LdrOlgy_The Maze of Life

The Maze of Life

There have been times in my life and career where I have sat in a professional development seminar or briefing, and the discussion is often made on what success looks like. Normally it is often given with the image example of the line that is not a continuous uphill progression, but rather a line which looks like a mountain scape, where peaks come and then downhills or valleys follow until you find the next uphill climb. The success comes from multiple trials and errors, but when you apply the lessons you’ve learned from those downtrends, you can be brought up to the next level.

The past month however, I came to think not only of this image of the struggle within the pursuit of success, but rather, the maze of life and our careers. There are some individuals who, from early on in their lives see the path forward, and pursue it, and maintain this path until they reach their “finish line”. For others however, we enter our maze of life and find a path to travel down until we find ourselves at our wall. Some of us, in our stubbornness, pride, or belief that this wall is a challenge in need of removal will try to break through the wall. We don’t want to accept the fact that the wall is there or believe we must knock it down. Perhaps this was meant to be, yet out of all the multiple times in my life when I tried to break down the walls, I failed. I spent a vast amount of time and energy to break through the wall and eventually had to turn around in the maze and find a new route to take.

The part about that, is that just because the route I initially took didn’t work out, doesn’t mean it was a lost cause. I now reflect and see the vast amount of knowledge, experience, and insight I’ve gained from taking that path. It allowed me to grow and learn along the way. I take a new path which has new twists and turns within it but am working through those challenges with additional skills and experience to rely on. I then find a new wall in this path, what then? I work to find the next route to take. The entire time through this journey of navigating through this maze I continue to pursue my end goal with passion and purpose. Each pathway bringing me new understanding and allowing me to grow as a person and leader.

If we had the aerial view from above at the very beginning, we could easily choose the “easiest route” to take. We could trace our way to the finish line we seek, but would we learn and grow? No… because it’s the struggle within the maze that builds us stronger, it’s the “walls” and “blockages” which becomes our harshest, but most valuable instructor. As Bruce Lee famously stated, “Do not pray for an easy life, pray for the strength to endure a difficult one”

You may be someone currently in your maze, struggling to come to accept the fact that you’re facing a wall. You may be discouraged with where you find yourself; my challenge to you is the same that Dr. Henry Cloud discusses in his book, “Necessary Endings”, “Is it time for you to make a necessary ending?” Change can be very hard for people, especially when we have so much emotional energy or personal attachment invested in our career, our path within our maze. I would encourage everyone to reflect and ask yourself, “Perhaps I am standing at this wall, because I’ve learned everything I need, and it’s now my time to make a serious change, take a new direction, to move myself further in life through a new path.”

Don’t get lost in the maze, don’t be afraid to make a serious change, keep living life with your passion and purpose, but be flexible with the route you may have to take in order to reach that finish line.

Defend Your Biggest Complaint

In a recent visit with our DPH Ms. Jen Green, she posed a question that she has utilized in some counseling sessions throughout her career. “TJ… what is your biggest bitch, gripe, complaint right now?”
There was a slight pause in the room as I pondered that question. I didn’t respond when she followed
up with, “Now… if you had given me your top complaint, I’d tell you that you now have to do the complete opposite and work to defend, support, and encourage why that issue or situation should occur the way it is.” Now imagine how mentally, emotionally, and maybe even spiritually engaging that could be for us not just as military members but also as individuals.

“I don’t like the plan of attack we’re about to take!” Now… “Can you tell me all the reasons that plan is
the best out of all the ones available?”

“I feel like we should have had pizza for dinner! But they decided to make soup and salad instead!.”
Now, “Can you tell me why the soup and salad was the best overall option?”

“I don’t understand why the leadership has us all out here for a group physical training session! It’s a
waste of my time!” Now… “Can you tell me, defend, and support why doing a group physical training
session is actually a good leadership decision to make?”

This simple exercise is designed to help members see different and new perspectives and admit that
sometimes our preferred choice may not be the best. We’ve let our emotional side of our brain overpower our analytical side, and we need to work to reset and rebalance the two out. (Easier said than done… I know)

This exercise, however, is one that Lt. Col Robert T. Frederick faced when working for General Eisenhower at the start of World War 2. The concept of a small tactical commando force to operate close to
and behind enemy lines was simply impossible and should not be given much thought. Let alone, it was written to be a joint force initiative of 50% American Servicemen and 50% Canadian Servicemen. Lt. Col Frederick put his stamp of “reject” on it and moved on to his next project. However, it didn’t take long before he was called before the boss and informed, “Congratulations! You are now the Commander of the First Special Service Force (FSSF). Now go execute the mission!” A man who spent hours writing up why something could not work was now challenged to make it work. The FSSF, joint American and Canadian servicemen were so successful in killing and terrorizing the enemy that they became known as “The Black Devils.” The FSSF thrived with this new honor and maximized it by printing up their logo and leaving it either on the dead German soldiers they killed at night slipping through enemy lines. On the card they added the words, “Das diche ende kommt noch!” translated it means, “The end of you is yet to come!” Lt. Col General Robert Frederick not only terrified the enemy but won respect and honor from his men. When the unit disbanded, the men openly admitted in books and journals that it was one of the rare times they cried during the war, some saying “the saddest moment of my life.”

Major General Frederick finished his career with 8x Purple Hearts and is the most wounded soldier in WW2 history. He received these injuries by fighting on the front lines alongside his men. Last reported by the FSSF museum, he is additionally the most wounded General in US history. On 5 December 1984, the FSSF were honored by Army Special Forces as being its ancestral origin. Further, the FSSF would be a significant influence towards the inspiration in writing the Hollywood hit film “Inglorious Bastards.” The unit patch can be seen on Brad Pitt’s uniform in certain scenes

Thoughts_Key Points From Current Ukraine War

I am heartbroken for the people of Ukraine. The situation their nation and people are currently faced with is very devastating, to say the least. The videos we see coming out of the war zone are reminders for many and a wake-up call for many more individuals who have yet to see the horrors of war. As I sit and watch intently on the situation, we should realize some key points and help remind others of them as well.

Additionally, this war has provided an immediate assessment to the world on how cyber warfare was utilized in an initial attack. It is a new dawning age of warfare when cyber attacks attempt to cripple online systems while simultaneously launching a traditional conventional warfare attack. Both will be critical in analyzing and developing new standards of operations for the future of warfare.

Furthermore, this is the first-ever major warfare event that people 21 years old and under are experiencing for the first time. 9/11 is engraved upon the minds of those who witnessed it. Still, for many young individuals throughout the world, they now see, realize, and will begin to cope with the fact that there are nations and world leaders that still have evil within their hearts, minds, and souls. The youth will now see and understand the importance of their freedoms, liberties, and why an item such as the Second Amendment is critical to the fabric of American way of life and embedded in our culture.

Moreover, the incredible and inspirational spirit of the fighting Ukrainians who choose not to surrender should encourage us to take pride in our country. Strengthen our warrior spirits towards justice, peace, and vital importance towards the unity against evil as a nation. To see the courage of an everyday citizen walking up to a soldier, confronting him for the invasion of their homeland and telling them, “Place these sunflower seeds in your pocket! For when you day on our soil, and so you will, then a sunflower will grow where your body lay!” This is the spirit we should all have within us, willing to look evil in the face and not give in to the fear it hopes to bring us. The courage to hear the commands of the enemy demanding they surrender, but instead, they chose to release the rallying cry of a nation, “GO FUCK YOURSELF!” For a leader to see the light of escape from the conflict and without hesitation reply, “I do not need a ride, I need more ammunition!” That is what leadership looks and sounds like!

This historical event will crush the hearts of many, and it will destroy the lives of those who have already forever lost the ones they love. This war is here to remind us how important our military is. There is still evil in the world. The warrior spirit is needed just as much today as it has been in the past. Learn from the past so that you are not doomed to repeat it.

LdrOlgy_That is the hill you want to die on?

Leader-Ology: That is the hill you want to die on?

Today there are over 2 million + podcasts available. However, there has been one that has been my go-to. The Stacking Benjamin’s Show has lasted the longest because, after multiple episodes, I’ve come to really enjoy the personalities on it. Their focus is on personal finances and growing your individual wealth. Josh Bannerman is by far my favorite host on the podcast. He’s funny, knowledgeable, filled with common sense, and a veteran of the US Marines. When he gets heated up on a particular news article, he doesn’t hold back on his honest opinion, which can be pretty entertaining.

One phrase he has used over time that has stuck with me is, “That is the hill you want to die on!? Really!?” It has been one of my favorite phrases because it challenges me to look inward at myself and challenged my stance, “Why is this position so important to me?” “What am I really trying to accomplish?” “Is there a possibility that I could be wrong?” “What are my true intentions and desires?” There have been too many times in my life and career where my stubbornness, pride and my ego fueled my internal energy to not accept defeat or surrender. I had to be right, I had to have the chosen plan, and I had to prove that I was more intelligent than the others challenging me upon the hill.

Early on in my career I was so reluctant to compromise. In First Sergeant Academy “Change” was my lowest graded area when it came to my personal values. I hate change, especially when it is outside my control. Yet, I cannot escape the fact of, “Is that the hill you want to die on?” Over the past year I have found how beneficial it can be with learning to communicate and work towards compromises. I wish the younger SSgt Lombardi would have accepted this fact, but now MSgt Lombardi is quickly learning and applying the lessons.

These lessons can be applied throughout our lives. Creating a financial plan. Planning the next family vacation or holiday gathering. The thought of returning to college to finish a degree plan or maybe even dedicated towards starting a new business. We can have productive conversations to help us reach our desired outcomes. I want X in red, you want Z in blue, but we can achieve Y with some red and blue, and we both get a portion of what we want.

So… is that really the hill you want to die on?

LdrOlgy_The Power is in the Routine

Leader.Ology: The Power is in the Routine.

It was one of the first days within week one of four in my most recent military course. I was selected as the physical training leader. I was responsible for leading one training session for my group and logging all the data for our members participating in a fitness challenge. If you scanned the room, the typical person may pick out people they would assume as top participants in the challenge.

Over the course of the four weeks, I was surprised by what I found. The person I thought would be one of the least impactful was actually the person who was one of the strongest in every category and actually took first in the most miles produced. I found it quite interesting because I had members who would go out and run 8 or 6 miles at a time. Chuck was simply content but dedicated to 3 miles or 3.5 miles a day. He added 30 to 50 push-ups and sit-ups to his routine. At the end of the competition, Chuck was in the top three of participants in all three categories measured.

As I reflected on this, I began to develop a routine for myself. I started in a very similar fashion. Monday through Friday I was going to run, weight lift, read a book or listen to an audiobook or podcast, and then finally, try to write or work on a storyboard for a fictional book I’ve wanted to write for years. All too often, I’d get into this mentality that I didn’t have time for a run; I was sure of this because I had always felt I needed 30 minutes to ensure I got the run in. The fact of the matter was that I didn’t need 30 minutes for a run; I only needed 5, or 10, 15, 20, or however long I could get.

The power came in creating positive habits and building a system that challenged me to work towards accomplishing the act and not worry about the projected outcome. My mind was really drawn to this concept also by reading “Atomic Habits” by James Clear at the same time Chuck was crushing his competition through a simple routine.

We spring forward now after 4 months and I am blown away with how my mental health and body respond when my routine is impacted. October, November, and December were great months for me. I quickly found that those 5 minute jogs turned into 20-30 minute runs. My reading wasn’t just 10 minutes on the car ride home from work, but instead an hour long audiobook session that went on while I also cooked dinner.

The fact is that our power is not generated from one single moment of an act but rather by building our strength through our routines. The dedication towards a consistent process allows us to build over time, and we reach our goals through increments. Our current generation, culture, society presses us towards an instant result. Still, the fact is that time, and capability require us towards the long-term working of success. The “I could never say $10,000” mentality needs to be broken down to, “can you save $27 a day?” or “$13.75 a day?” That allows you to reach your goal in 1 year or 2 years. We may feel that 1 year or 2 years is such a significant amount of time that it seems unobtainable or not worth the sacrifice. If we can be dedicated to establishing our routines, we can accomplish our goals and build our strengths for a stronger tomorrow. So what routine are you now going to begin incorporating in your life?

(UPDATE 1 MARCH) Here is a look at my routine for February. January I really struggled to maintain due to unforeseen circumstances. I didn’t tear myself down though, but continued to look forward towards re-engaging in the new month. Once you take a moment to reflect back on all you accomplished in the month, you realize how much you really achieved by just sticking to your routine and getting closer to your goals! Don’t give up, just get better!

Thoughts_Serving A Community

I arrived in the Klamath Basin almost four years ago; I started to meet new people and be introduced to others with new excitement for a new chapter in life. One thing that always stood out was the hard work ethic instilled in the Klamath Basin.  Klamath, being a county filled with an agriculture community where many people from children to young adults who knew that hard work, grit, and resiliency are something you must carry with you every day. Treating others with respect, dignity and having a heart to serve, support, and help your fellow community member along with ones’ country was also deep rooted within the spirit of our county.

Being a military member for my career, it is quite common to see one’s children follow in their parents’ footsteps. An honorable moment to see and often celebrated; a report from 2012-2013 found that 86% of Air Force Airman, 82% of Navy Sailors, 79% of Army Soldiers, and 77% of Marines had close relatives in the military upon the new members entry. To simply put it, the military kinda is a family business; seeing as how the majority of the military members entering service today are already associated to the military through those family connections.

However, this isn’t associated to just the military is it? How many children do we see follow their parents’ footsteps? Medical professions who then see their children going in to the medical field; athletes having children who are also athletes; chefs whose children go in to the food industry… The list goes on, because children grow up admiring their parents. Is it any surprise when we see this in the Law Enforcement and First Responder communities? Within the Klamath Basin we have had multiple families who have had more than one family member serve their community in the law enforcement profession.

The Kaber family has become a close friend to me personally. To me, it’s an admirable quality that you have Chris who has spent over 30 years in Law Enforcement, you have Ryan who has served his country in the United States Coast Guard, the Oregon Air National Guard, and our Klamath community as a Klamath County Sheriff’s Deputy. Furthermore, Erick has served his country in the United States Army, and now also serves in the Klamath County Jail as a Sheriff’s Deputy; but most importantly… you have a rock solid woman, Vickie Kaber who not only helped raise a solid family with good morals, ethics, and values, but she served for 20 years as a juvenile probation officer; helping to motivate and encourage hundreds of youth to change their lives in positive ways.

In the season of elections for community seats, we truly see some of the worst in people come out; and this is probably one area that I do not enjoy seeing. When a community filled with some amazing people begin to speak badly of someone who may view things differently; how quickly they seem so willing to forget the amazing acts of service some people have done for their community.

One thing that I have had to listen and read is how there are three Kabers in the Sheriff’s office. Ryan joining the KCSO family first, Chris being elected three years ago, and Erick joining a year after Chris’s election. Normally, if Chris was a doctor of medicine and the Kaber boys became doctors, we’d probably say how incredible it is that they are all following in their father’s footsteps. If Chris was a Quarterback in the NFL, we would not be surprised at all if Ryan and Erick both at some point were involved in professional football. But because they’re law enforcement, they are ridiculed. Daren Krag even admitted and agreed with me, “That no matter what process is put in place, there will always be a perception with the Kaber’s because all three (Chris, Ryan, Erick) are a family.” If the KCSO had people on a hiring board who were not even associated to the department conduct the interviews, the selection etc… if a Kaber was selected, there would be people who still cry out, “RIGGED! UNFAIR!”

So yes, we are at a point that no matter what process or procedure is put in place, some of you will cry foul. But does that mean that we can’t for one moment appreciate the service that these three men have given and everything their families have had to put up with? What have we become as not American’s, but as a Klamath County community where we so flippantly speak of allegations unproven, unverified, and uncalled for?

Do we so quickly forget the long nights Chris was away from home, away from his family, as he helped start Klamath County’s Major Crimes Team (MCT) many years ago?  Have we forgotten that Chris oversaw the Klamath Narcotics team just a few years back? How about all the people Chris has conducted polygraph tests on? When I sat down with Chris and asked him about it, he surprised me with his response, “TJ… what I take pride in; is the many times I have proven someone’s innocence. Every single person that I have tested who passed the polygraph test has been proven innocent. That is the result that means the most to me, for when I can sit down with someone and say “I know you didn’t do this crime, or have any involvement in it, because you passed my polygraph test” and sure enough; they’ve been proven innocent every time.”

Do we forget when Ryan was on top of a rooftop, grabbing a baby and bringing it down safely; away from a stranger threatening to do harm to a poor child? Do we forget the multiple cases of DUI’s, Active Shooting incidents Ryan has been a part of all throughout Klamath County? A man who leaves his loving family every day, trying to provide for them, but provide a safe community for all our families to be raised in.

Do you ever consider the life of a corrections facility deputy? When Erick in processes people who haven’t bathed in days and been “disrupting your evening out in town.” When Erick is in-processing people who are so drunk that they can’t stand on their own two feet, yet attempted to still drive home because, “I know what I can handle!” To be surrounded by concrete walls and barely ever getting to enjoy a moment of sunlight or fresh air unless it’s on a break?

Yet here I am writing a blog about it, because many of you I see speaking such derogatory rhetoric sure as hell have never applied to be a Klamath County Sheriff. For some people who so easily want to disparage a family for serving its community yet you don’t have the spine to withstand the storms these men go through every week, the darkness they encounter while serving as a deputy, nor having to know what it’s like to constantly be ridiculed.

I don’t agree with Daren Krag on every issue, nor am I casting my vote for him. But I at least had an hour long coffee conversation with the man. I at least shook the man’s hand and commended him for his service to our community. How many of you have done that for the Kaber family? How many of you have actually sat down and had coffee with Chris, Ryan, or Erick? How many of you ever remember just where our KCSO was at three years ago, and where it is at today? No agency is perfect, but it is certainly filled with some amazing people as compared to some of you speaking ill will against those serving in it. There are many of you who simply seem to have a lot of anger in your hearts, and a lot of darkness in your souls and spirits. No family is perfect, no person is perfect, but I am sure proud of the multiple years of service this family has given its community and ask you to remember that. They’re going to continue to be here for this community for many years to come and with your support, Chris will continue to grow and build our Klamath County Sheriff’s Office for another four years.

Thoughts_Don’t Be Afraid To Swing

The cheer would carry itself over the distance and the crowd of other parents in attendance, “Come on TJ you got this!”  The next call would echo out, “Let’s go buddy!” A short, chubby, and completely out of shape TJ would slowly step up to the batters box of the little league field. My bat in tow, my batting helmet on, and my bright blue and orange Met’s uniform was in high contrast on the spring afternoon in Desert Hot Springs, CA.

I would step up to the plate, do one or two of those rotation swings to make me feel as if I was loosened up. The pitcher narrowed his eyes in to the catcher, and as we all did back then, we pretended we were on live TV, and this was the big game. The pitcher wound up and threw the ball as best as he could. “STRIKE” came the call. “It’s ok pal! You got this” Came the new cheer from my parents. I would gaze upward, “Maybe this will be my pitch” I’d think to myself.  The pitcher wound up, another heater coming down the pipe just as if he was Hall of Fame’r Randy Johnson… “STRRRRIKE” came the call again. “Alright TJ, don’t worry this next one is yours!”  My parents would yell out, clearly having far more faith in my abilities than I did. “Ok… Ok… This one, this one is mine!”  I’d tell myself.  The Pitcher knowing he had me against the wall and was about to cock back his rifle of an arm; which would then release the final round from his firing squad pitch. “Here it comes, here it comes, here it…”   “STRIKE! You’re out son.”  The umpire would mercilessly tell me.

And that process would continue on for most of my year in little league. I was given the award of “Most walked player” because I was so afraid of swinging that I got walked more times than I got on base from hitting the ball. In practice, aww man I was crushing balls and making monster outfield hits, but when it came to the real game, I simply didn’t have the courage to take the swing on the pitch that I really wanted to.

But that is also life sometimes isn’t it? We prepare, train, practice and get as ready as we can for a job, career, or opportunity, but we never take the swing at the ball.  Self-doubt is something that many people struggle with; especially when we also surround ourselves with other people who have self-doubt. They discourage us from trying, or try to tear us down from the little bit of motivation that we do muster up. The simple fact is that you cant listen to the self-doubt, and you cant let those who are filled with self-doubt stop you from trying.

As the old saying goes, “You’re always going to have a no answer if you never ask the question.”  Same goes for taking the first step of courage; you cant get a home-run unless you swing the bat, and don’t be afraid to swing away, sooner or later your rotation is going to come back around and you’ll be up to bat again to swing for the fences. So go crush your home run!

Short_The Barber

As you drive towards the center of town, you’d find it on the outskirts. It’s so small in size that one could easily pass right by it and not even notice. The dirt and gravel parking lot surrounds it, with the red, white, and blue striped barbers pole swirling outside; a historic symbol reaching back to the Middle Ages. As you walked up to the door, a firm and hardy push was required to open it. Your nose was filled with a warm aromatic mixture of leather, cedar, pine, and of course the morning coffee which was either currently brewing, or sitting in its pot ready for the next cup to be poured.

Immediately to the left was an old wooden rocking chair, the type that gave a light squeak with every rock its participant put in to it. The left side of the room held a wooden bench that resembled that of a old church pew and park bench combined. It also had that warm wooden creak sound to it that was only perfected over the many years it settled in to its existence. The wall behind and above the wooden bench was filled with old photographs. Photographs of memories long ago, polaroids and captured snapshots in time. Many with dates written on the button and a brief title, “John’s first steelhead trout.” or something similar to that effect.

The small wood fireplace was in the right corner of the room. The crackling pops of the fire made it feel like your escape cabin. You weren’t in the small town rustling and bustling; when you were in the barber shop you seemed to be teleported out in to the backwoods. The small cabin that was designed for a man and his dog to escape to on a weekend where they just needed to decompress. Spend a day reflecting, an hour cussing the good Lord, another hour apologizing to the good Lord for the cussing, an hour getting ready to throw your fishing line in the water, and two hours trying to get your favorite lure unstuck from the submerged log you didn’t know was there. A place where you could just let the cell phone buzz away with messages while you blocked out the every day life for just a few moments.

In the center of the room was the barber chair; behind it was the back wall with the mirror and the tools of the trade. If a customer wasn’t there getting a trim, you could find him sitting in the barber chair. Sipping on his cup of coffee and reading through the local paper, a new book he had picked up or been given as a gift, or the good book itself. Sometimes people just went in there for the coffee and conversation. At this point in history, I’d say its safe to say that there have been over a million cups of coffee poured in that small tiny house, but it was always amongst good company.

The barbers chair where you took your son for his first hair cut. And slowly continued on through his years. He got to watch young boys turn in to boys. Boys turn in to young men, and young men turn in to men. He was there for you over the years. Through all your troubles and all your successes. The high times just as much as the low ones. He would tell you where the fish were biting that day, or where Jerry had just shot the giant buck of the season.  He kept you up to speed on what the local school teams were doing, and reminded you that them kids need encouragement just like anyone else in town.

You didn’t just get a hair cut when you went in; you got a mentorship lesson from a guidance counselor. A word of encouragement when your plan just didn’t turn out the way you’d thought it would. A deacon who could help provide healing to a broken heart. A quite, gentle, reassuring ear to listen for those who needed to tell the horrors of war to someone who wouldn’t judge them. A prayer to those who simply were lost and needed to remember to turn towards His light. He wasn’t just a barber to many of us, he was family.

Though it has been many years sense I’ve seen you, or even spoken to you. Thank you for all your prayers, support, and encouragement of the years Uncle Mike. God bless you, and I hope this finds you well.

Love, TJ

 

Thoughts_A Million Emotions

          It is pitch black in the stadium. You nudge your friend standing next to you, “I bet they play our song next!” you say with excitement. The older adults in the stadium pull out their Bic lighters, whereas the millennials pull out their phones, and the thousands gathered together are slowly illuminated as the tiny lights shine brighter with each new light that joins the luminous atmosphere. The spotlights on the stage fade brighter as the lead singer is now seen on the center stage sitting on the bar stool, and the acoustic guitar draped across their lap. The music begins, you close your eyes, and you feel your soul being connected to an emotional state that which now brings your soul and spirit together.

          What is it about music that can bring us out of our lowest of lows, and also takes us to our highest of highs? The bass that vibrates through us with every bass drum kick, your favorite singers vocals that you swear you don’t listen with your eardrums, but rather you heard it directly in your heart. What is it that causes such a connection to our body, spirit, and our souls?  It has been said, that if a picture is worth a thousand words, than a song is worth a million emotions. Why is it that music has become such an important and influencial piece to our lives?

          I’d say it simply comes down to the point that God made music as the avenue for us to praise Him. Now yes, there were songs and music made for other reasons, but in the Bible we see many verses where music was specifically utilized to praise God. It was completely dedicated and focused to worshiping God, to sing joyfully, to make a loud noise, to bang the drums and to dance. The act of worship was, and should be one where you are leaving everything outside of the sanctuary, you are coming forward and completely focusing on God and lifting up your entire essence to Him. You are worshiping through singing, dancing, playing of an instrument. So you are connecting physically in the act of worship; you are lifting up your spirit and your emotions of grateful admiration for the grace and mercy of Christ up to Him above; as you now also have your soul connected to the Holy Spirit all at the same time.

          Our body, spirit, and soul are such fragile things though aren’t they? One thing that impacts one of them can easily impact the other two. The heart crushing breakup that leave us in the deep abyss of despair. The broken bone that leaves us filled with fear and doubt if we’ll be able to recover from the injury. Our continued failures in particular areas of our career that leave our souls in the belief that we are nothing but a failure, that nothing we do or attempt to accomplish turns out being a success.

          Yet, that song. That one song that connects to your body, spirit and soul. That one song that can kick your engine in to high gear. That song that pulls us out of the darkness. That song that gives us just enough hope, to cling and hold on for just one more day. You know what song that is, because we all have our one, or few songs that do that to us. When your deeply, madly even, in love with your special someone, nothing can speak more deeply to your spirit and soul as The Goo Goo Dolls, “Iris” does. When you are ready for that next round in the gym and Metallica’s “Fuel” comes on across your headphones. You are driving home, and Charlie Puth comes across the radio with, “See You Again.” and now your close friend or family member who passed away is now sitting right next to you as your tears slowly streak down your face.

          For some of us the emotional connection we have to some songs seems to be so deep that words simply can’t describe it. Yet that was the purpose all along wasn’t it? Music was created, because God knew that there would come times when we would need something that connected inside us on every level of our being. God knew we would need to have such a deep emotional connect that could span time and space. A way for us to express our deepest sorrows and pain, while also being able to share in those moments of victory and accomplishment. This is how a song has a million emotions that connects us all together.

Thoughts_Willpower

Willpower

PART 1: The Struggles of Willpower

Many people may refer to Willpower as, determination, drive, resolve, self-discipline, and one of the most commonly used, self-control. It is something that we all possess, yet some people admit that they struggle with it whereas others seem to always have it radiating through their veins. I have contemplated willpower for a few years now and also learned more from the research that I have read through.

I would say that we see Willpower is often linked to self-control because of individuals who struggle with self-esteem, or financial burdens/indebtedness. A failed romantic relationship causes us to question our self-esteem, our value and our outward appearance or attractiveness.  When we find ourselves in financial difficulties, we promise ourselves that we will curb our spending and rededicate efforts to paying off debts, or to save for a future endeavor.

Psychologist Roy Baumeister, PhD, describes that it in order for people to accomplish their goals; it is necessary for individuals to have three components in order to achieve their objectives leading to them.

1. 1. Motivation for change
   2. Monitor your behavior
   3. Willpower

Psychologist’s go on to define willpower in the following ways:

• • The ability to delay gratification, resisting short-term temptations in order to meet long-term goals.
  • The capacity to override an unwanted thought, feeling or impulse.
  • The ability to employ a “cool” cognitive system of behavior rather than a “hot” emotional system.
  • Conscious, effortful regulation of the self by the self.
  • A limited resource capable of being depleted.

Some research has shown that some people seem to have a limit to their Willpower, where others seem to be capable of maintaining their self-control when others wells have run dry. Additionally, glucose levels have shown to play a part in this as well. To some individuals, having sell-control is quite simply mentally tasking and stressful to the point that once their self-control is depleted in one area, they don’t have the willpower to handle another area.

An example of this would be where someone has been trying desperately to save money and stop frugal spending. They have fought the urge all day, or even all throughout the weekend, and when the time comes to making healthy eating choices; they simply do not have the willpower to continue the fight. In one hand they might justify their cheat meal because they did so good not spending $240 on shoes/clothes. Yet the next day they are depressed because of the cheat meal and feel terrible because of the nutrient imbalance in their system. They now feel exhausted, defeated emotionally, and are once again struggling to have the willpower to meet the days newest challenges.

A study in to willpower and self-control showed that when the quality was built in children at younger ages, the quality not only helped them, but stayed with them over four decades in to their adult lives and careers. Further evidence from Mark Muraven, PhD, has also suggested that individuals with a core belief system and their overall attitude were more compelled to exert self-control.

“Yet evidence also suggests that willpower depletion can be kept in check by your beliefs and attitudes. Mark Muraven, PhD, of the University at Albany, and colleagues found that people who felt compelled to exert self-control (in order to please others, for example) were more easily depleted than people who were driven by their own internal goals and desires. When it comes to willpower, those who are in touch with themselves may be better off than their people-pleasing counterparts.”

“A 2010 study by Stanford University researcher Veronika Job, PhD, and colleagues found that individuals who thought willpower was a limited resource were subject to having their willpower depleted. But people who did not believe willpower was easily exhaustible did not show signs of depletion after exerting self-control.”

Additionally, Megan Oaten, PhD & Ken Cheng, PhD found that when, “subjects also reported smoking less and drinking less alcohol, eating healthier food, monitoring their spending more carefully, and improving their study habits. Regularly exercising their willpower with physical exercise, it seemed, led to better willpower in nearly all areas of their lives.”

PART 2: My Concept of Willpower

 

Willpower as a quality is build and further developed by the three core components of a persons being. Their soul, their spirit, and their body. As those three core components feed willpower, they are then influenced by three exterior couplings which help keep those areas connected, Religion, Social, and Financial.

Body:  The more physically active you are, the more immediately your willpower is challenged and strengthened. Just as your muscles are torn apart through weight lifting and rebuilt in recovery, so is your willpower.

Spirit:  I define your spirit as basically your emotional state. Are you continually feeding your emotional state with positive nutrition? As it comes to Willpower, I feed it through music, motivational videos, reading books and quotes of inspiration.

Soul:  This is who you are, and who you choose to be, what you want to stand for. The being you want to be remembered as when you pass from this earth and on to heaven. Your soul can be corrupted just like any of the other parts, hence why its’ two couplings are social and religion.

Financial: Financial situations can greatly impact our willpower, and is one of the areas everyone can always work on, but also be effected by. As research has shown, people who live in a constant state of poverty have been found to have some of the unhealthiest diets and seem to struggle with a healthy active lifestyle. Due to their willpower being utilized on financial decisions, the snickers bar is more satisfying than the apple. Yet, if we can start to slowly work on this area with increments at a time, we can then help reinforce our spirit and body’s willpower.

Social: Do you encircle yourself with people who are always negative? Who look for all the problems going on in the situation, rather than the solution? Are you spending time with people who are telling you, “This is as good as its going to get?” or, Are you finding yourself spending time with those who will challenge you to reach new levels? People who will encourage you to take new steps to better yourself?  Positive energy can be absorbed, but in the same way, so can negative energy. Who we choose to keep around us will either boost our willpower to become better and reach our goals, or it will be that of cancer which slowly eats away at them.

Religion: Those who have a deep root in religion tend to have greater willpower because they have a view of things that are greater than themselves. They tend to have a feeling of purpose or belonging within the system at hand, and tend to also believe they have specific gifts, talents, and value that cannot be wasted. They much easily see themselves  being here for a specific purpose, or have an direct impact on their surroundings because of the specific purpose they feel called to through their religion.

 

PART 3: Growing your Willpower

As we have seen in research, willpower can be grown, but also is something that must constantly be worked on. Too many people want to jump in to a situation, “cold turkey” and go “pedal to the floor” as they try to give 1,000% effort all at once. But where does that end up for the vast majority of people? A complete miserable wreck on the corner of “At Least You Tried Ave.” and “You Should Have Taken It Slow St.”

Every step you take should be exactly that, a slow step toward greater willpower. A double amputee does not throw on prosthetic legs and immediately go out and run the Boston Marathon.  But what may building your willpower look like?

Willpower Objective 1:  Eat an apple for breakfast and have almonds for your snack in between breakfast and lunch.

Willpower Objective 2:  I’m going to try and save $50-100 this month and not spend it.

Willpower Objective 3:  I am going to walk for 30 minutes every other day, and do at least 30 pushups on my off day.

After doing these objectives for two weeks, maybe a month, you then reassess and work towards making new objectives and new goals which continually grow your willpower towards your benefit and your next level. If it is nutrition, then take it one step at a time. If it is saving money, then do it in increments that you can manager easier than a full dive.

 

PART 4: Superhero willpower is simply having the courage to over come your fears and doubts.

In the 2011 fantasy/thriller movie Green Lantern, my favorite scene is towards the end of the movie where Carol Ferris is giving encouragement to Hal Jordan, “The Green Lantern”.

Carol Ferris: Well, you’re just gonna have to stop it.

Hal Jordan: Oh, just gonna have to stop it! Well, I tried that and I failed and the Senator died. I told you the ring made a mistake.

Carol Ferris: Wait, go back. How did the ring make a mistake?

Hal Jordan: The one thing that a Green Lantern is supposed to be is fearless. Fearless, is the job description. That isn’t me.

Carol Ferris: So you’re just gonna walk away again? Explain this to me, Hal. Please explain to me, just once, why?

Hal Jordan: Because I’m afraid!

Carol Ferris: Wait, go back. How did the ring make a mistake?

Hal Jordan: The one thing a Green Lantern is supposed to be is fearless. “Fearless” is the job description. That isn’t me…

Carol Ferris: You don’t think your dad ever felt afraid.

Hal Jordan: If he did he figured out some way to beat it.

Carol Ferris: Yeah well, there’s a word for that… courage. 

Hal Jordan: They said that the ring wouldn’t have chosen me, if it didn’t see something… Something I don’t see yet.

Carol Ferris: I see it. I always have, the ring didn’t see that you were fearless, it saw that you had the ability to overcome fear, it saw that you are courageous. Which you are, just like your dad. 

Though the movie had terrible reviews, and even the lead actor Ryan Reynolds has openly mocked the movie; I’d say this scene is one of the best scenes for the superhero genre of movies. The hero is scared, and filled with fear and doubt. It is where he finds his courage to face evil. The Green Lantern is given his abilities through the power of will.

When our willpower is spent and depleted; we feel defeated inside, we are filled with doubt and fear, and we question why we even began. That is why the external couplings are so important, and strengthening the inner sides of our willpower. Every day your willpower will be tested to see how much you truly want your goals and desires. Do not feel defeated, do not be discouraged.

“This is the way.”

 

 

 

Reference for further in-depth reading:

https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/willpower