Thoughts_Don’t Be Afraid To Swing

The cheer would carry itself over the distance and the crowd of other parents in attendance, “Come on TJ you got this!”  The next call would echo out, “Let’s go buddy!” A short, chubby, and completely out of shape TJ would slowly step up to the batters box of the little league field. My bat in tow, my batting helmet on, and my bright blue and orange Met’s uniform was in high contrast on the spring afternoon in Desert Hot Springs, CA.

I would step up to the plate, do one or two of those rotation swings to make me feel as if I was loosened up. The pitcher narrowed his eyes in to the catcher, and as we all did back then, we pretended we were on live TV, and this was the big game. The pitcher wound up and threw the ball as best as he could. “STRIKE” came the call. “It’s ok pal! You got this” Came the new cheer from my parents. I would gaze upward, “Maybe this will be my pitch” I’d think to myself.  The pitcher wound up, another heater coming down the pipe just as if he was Hall of Fame’r Randy Johnson… “STRRRRIKE” came the call again. “Alright TJ, don’t worry this next one is yours!”  My parents would yell out, clearly having far more faith in my abilities than I did. “Ok… Ok… This one, this one is mine!”  I’d tell myself.  The Pitcher knowing he had me against the wall and was about to cock back his rifle of an arm; which would then release the final round from his firing squad pitch. “Here it comes, here it comes, here it…”   “STRIKE! You’re out son.”  The umpire would mercilessly tell me.

And that process would continue on for most of my year in little league. I was given the award of “Most walked player” because I was so afraid of swinging that I got walked more times than I got on base from hitting the ball. In practice, aww man I was crushing balls and making monster outfield hits, but when it came to the real game, I simply didn’t have the courage to take the swing on the pitch that I really wanted to.

But that is also life sometimes isn’t it? We prepare, train, practice and get as ready as we can for a job, career, or opportunity, but we never take the swing at the ball.  Self-doubt is something that many people struggle with; especially when we also surround ourselves with other people who have self-doubt. They discourage us from trying, or try to tear us down from the little bit of motivation that we do muster up. The simple fact is that you cant listen to the self-doubt, and you cant let those who are filled with self-doubt stop you from trying.

As the old saying goes, “You’re always going to have a no answer if you never ask the question.”  Same goes for taking the first step of courage; you cant get a home-run unless you swing the bat, and don’t be afraid to swing away, sooner or later your rotation is going to come back around and you’ll be up to bat again to swing for the fences. So go crush your home run!

Thoughts_A Million Emotions

          It is pitch black in the stadium. You nudge your friend standing next to you, “I bet they play our song next!” you say with excitement. The older adults in the stadium pull out their Bic lighters, whereas the millennials pull out their phones, and the thousands gathered together are slowly illuminated as the tiny lights shine brighter with each new light that joins the luminous atmosphere. The spotlights on the stage fade brighter as the lead singer is now seen on the center stage sitting on the bar stool, and the acoustic guitar draped across their lap. The music begins, you close your eyes, and you feel your soul being connected to an emotional state that which now brings your soul and spirit together.

          What is it about music that can bring us out of our lowest of lows, and also takes us to our highest of highs? The bass that vibrates through us with every bass drum kick, your favorite singers vocals that you swear you don’t listen with your eardrums, but rather you heard it directly in your heart. What is it that causes such a connection to our body, spirit, and our souls?  It has been said, that if a picture is worth a thousand words, than a song is worth a million emotions. Why is it that music has become such an important and influencial piece to our lives?

          I’d say it simply comes down to the point that God made music as the avenue for us to praise Him. Now yes, there were songs and music made for other reasons, but in the Bible we see many verses where music was specifically utilized to praise God. It was completely dedicated and focused to worshiping God, to sing joyfully, to make a loud noise, to bang the drums and to dance. The act of worship was, and should be one where you are leaving everything outside of the sanctuary, you are coming forward and completely focusing on God and lifting up your entire essence to Him. You are worshiping through singing, dancing, playing of an instrument. So you are connecting physically in the act of worship; you are lifting up your spirit and your emotions of grateful admiration for the grace and mercy of Christ up to Him above; as you now also have your soul connected to the Holy Spirit all at the same time.

          Our body, spirit, and soul are such fragile things though aren’t they? One thing that impacts one of them can easily impact the other two. The heart crushing breakup that leave us in the deep abyss of despair. The broken bone that leaves us filled with fear and doubt if we’ll be able to recover from the injury. Our continued failures in particular areas of our career that leave our souls in the belief that we are nothing but a failure, that nothing we do or attempt to accomplish turns out being a success.

          Yet, that song. That one song that connects to your body, spirit and soul. That one song that can kick your engine in to high gear. That song that pulls us out of the darkness. That song that gives us just enough hope, to cling and hold on for just one more day. You know what song that is, because we all have our one, or few songs that do that to us. When your deeply, madly even, in love with your special someone, nothing can speak more deeply to your spirit and soul as The Goo Goo Dolls, “Iris” does. When you are ready for that next round in the gym and Metallica’s “Fuel” comes on across your headphones. You are driving home, and Charlie Puth comes across the radio with, “See You Again.” and now your close friend or family member who passed away is now sitting right next to you as your tears slowly streak down your face.

          For some of us the emotional connection we have to some songs seems to be so deep that words simply can’t describe it. Yet that was the purpose all along wasn’t it? Music was created, because God knew that there would come times when we would need something that connected inside us on every level of our being. God knew we would need to have such a deep emotional connect that could span time and space. A way for us to express our deepest sorrows and pain, while also being able to share in those moments of victory and accomplishment. This is how a song has a million emotions that connects us all together.

Thoughts_Willpower

Willpower

PART 1: The Struggles of Willpower

Many people may refer to Willpower as, determination, drive, resolve, self-discipline, and one of the most commonly used, self-control. It is something that we all possess, yet some people admit that they struggle with it whereas others seem to always have it radiating through their veins. I have contemplated willpower for a few years now and also learned more from the research that I have read through.

I would say that we see Willpower is often linked to self-control because of individuals who struggle with self-esteem, or financial burdens/indebtedness. A failed romantic relationship causes us to question our self-esteem, our value and our outward appearance or attractiveness.  When we find ourselves in financial difficulties, we promise ourselves that we will curb our spending and rededicate efforts to paying off debts, or to save for a future endeavor.

Psychologist Roy Baumeister, PhD, describes that it in order for people to accomplish their goals; it is necessary for individuals to have three components in order to achieve their objectives leading to them.

1. 1. Motivation for change
   2. Monitor your behavior
   3. Willpower

Psychologist’s go on to define willpower in the following ways:

• • The ability to delay gratification, resisting short-term temptations in order to meet long-term goals.
  • The capacity to override an unwanted thought, feeling or impulse.
  • The ability to employ a “cool” cognitive system of behavior rather than a “hot” emotional system.
  • Conscious, effortful regulation of the self by the self.
  • A limited resource capable of being depleted.

Some research has shown that some people seem to have a limit to their Willpower, where others seem to be capable of maintaining their self-control when others wells have run dry. Additionally, glucose levels have shown to play a part in this as well. To some individuals, having sell-control is quite simply mentally tasking and stressful to the point that once their self-control is depleted in one area, they don’t have the willpower to handle another area.

An example of this would be where someone has been trying desperately to save money and stop frugal spending. They have fought the urge all day, or even all throughout the weekend, and when the time comes to making healthy eating choices; they simply do not have the willpower to continue the fight. In one hand they might justify their cheat meal because they did so good not spending $240 on shoes/clothes. Yet the next day they are depressed because of the cheat meal and feel terrible because of the nutrient imbalance in their system. They now feel exhausted, defeated emotionally, and are once again struggling to have the willpower to meet the days newest challenges.

A study in to willpower and self-control showed that when the quality was built in children at younger ages, the quality not only helped them, but stayed with them over four decades in to their adult lives and careers. Further evidence from Mark Muraven, PhD, has also suggested that individuals with a core belief system and their overall attitude were more compelled to exert self-control.

“Yet evidence also suggests that willpower depletion can be kept in check by your beliefs and attitudes. Mark Muraven, PhD, of the University at Albany, and colleagues found that people who felt compelled to exert self-control (in order to please others, for example) were more easily depleted than people who were driven by their own internal goals and desires. When it comes to willpower, those who are in touch with themselves may be better off than their people-pleasing counterparts.”

“A 2010 study by Stanford University researcher Veronika Job, PhD, and colleagues found that individuals who thought willpower was a limited resource were subject to having their willpower depleted. But people who did not believe willpower was easily exhaustible did not show signs of depletion after exerting self-control.”

Additionally, Megan Oaten, PhD & Ken Cheng, PhD found that when, “subjects also reported smoking less and drinking less alcohol, eating healthier food, monitoring their spending more carefully, and improving their study habits. Regularly exercising their willpower with physical exercise, it seemed, led to better willpower in nearly all areas of their lives.”

PART 2: My Concept of Willpower

 

Willpower as a quality is build and further developed by the three core components of a persons being. Their soul, their spirit, and their body. As those three core components feed willpower, they are then influenced by three exterior couplings which help keep those areas connected, Religion, Social, and Financial.

Body:  The more physically active you are, the more immediately your willpower is challenged and strengthened. Just as your muscles are torn apart through weight lifting and rebuilt in recovery, so is your willpower.

Spirit:  I define your spirit as basically your emotional state. Are you continually feeding your emotional state with positive nutrition? As it comes to Willpower, I feed it through music, motivational videos, reading books and quotes of inspiration.

Soul:  This is who you are, and who you choose to be, what you want to stand for. The being you want to be remembered as when you pass from this earth and on to heaven. Your soul can be corrupted just like any of the other parts, hence why its’ two couplings are social and religion.

Financial: Financial situations can greatly impact our willpower, and is one of the areas everyone can always work on, but also be effected by. As research has shown, people who live in a constant state of poverty have been found to have some of the unhealthiest diets and seem to struggle with a healthy active lifestyle. Due to their willpower being utilized on financial decisions, the snickers bar is more satisfying than the apple. Yet, if we can start to slowly work on this area with increments at a time, we can then help reinforce our spirit and body’s willpower.

Social: Do you encircle yourself with people who are always negative? Who look for all the problems going on in the situation, rather than the solution? Are you spending time with people who are telling you, “This is as good as its going to get?” or, Are you finding yourself spending time with those who will challenge you to reach new levels? People who will encourage you to take new steps to better yourself?  Positive energy can be absorbed, but in the same way, so can negative energy. Who we choose to keep around us will either boost our willpower to become better and reach our goals, or it will be that of cancer which slowly eats away at them.

Religion: Those who have a deep root in religion tend to have greater willpower because they have a view of things that are greater than themselves. They tend to have a feeling of purpose or belonging within the system at hand, and tend to also believe they have specific gifts, talents, and value that cannot be wasted. They much easily see themselves  being here for a specific purpose, or have an direct impact on their surroundings because of the specific purpose they feel called to through their religion.

 

PART 3: Growing your Willpower

As we have seen in research, willpower can be grown, but also is something that must constantly be worked on. Too many people want to jump in to a situation, “cold turkey” and go “pedal to the floor” as they try to give 1,000% effort all at once. But where does that end up for the vast majority of people? A complete miserable wreck on the corner of “At Least You Tried Ave.” and “You Should Have Taken It Slow St.”

Every step you take should be exactly that, a slow step toward greater willpower. A double amputee does not throw on prosthetic legs and immediately go out and run the Boston Marathon.  But what may building your willpower look like?

Willpower Objective 1:  Eat an apple for breakfast and have almonds for your snack in between breakfast and lunch.

Willpower Objective 2:  I’m going to try and save $50-100 this month and not spend it.

Willpower Objective 3:  I am going to walk for 30 minutes every other day, and do at least 30 pushups on my off day.

After doing these objectives for two weeks, maybe a month, you then reassess and work towards making new objectives and new goals which continually grow your willpower towards your benefit and your next level. If it is nutrition, then take it one step at a time. If it is saving money, then do it in increments that you can manager easier than a full dive.

 

PART 4: Superhero willpower is simply having the courage to over come your fears and doubts.

In the 2011 fantasy/thriller movie Green Lantern, my favorite scene is towards the end of the movie where Carol Ferris is giving encouragement to Hal Jordan, “The Green Lantern”.

Carol Ferris: Well, you’re just gonna have to stop it.

Hal Jordan: Oh, just gonna have to stop it! Well, I tried that and I failed and the Senator died. I told you the ring made a mistake.

Carol Ferris: Wait, go back. How did the ring make a mistake?

Hal Jordan: The one thing that a Green Lantern is supposed to be is fearless. Fearless, is the job description. That isn’t me.

Carol Ferris: So you’re just gonna walk away again? Explain this to me, Hal. Please explain to me, just once, why?

Hal Jordan: Because I’m afraid!

Carol Ferris: Wait, go back. How did the ring make a mistake?

Hal Jordan: The one thing a Green Lantern is supposed to be is fearless. “Fearless” is the job description. That isn’t me…

Carol Ferris: You don’t think your dad ever felt afraid.

Hal Jordan: If he did he figured out some way to beat it.

Carol Ferris: Yeah well, there’s a word for that… courage. 

Hal Jordan: They said that the ring wouldn’t have chosen me, if it didn’t see something… Something I don’t see yet.

Carol Ferris: I see it. I always have, the ring didn’t see that you were fearless, it saw that you had the ability to overcome fear, it saw that you are courageous. Which you are, just like your dad. 

Though the movie had terrible reviews, and even the lead actor Ryan Reynolds has openly mocked the movie; I’d say this scene is one of the best scenes for the superhero genre of movies. The hero is scared, and filled with fear and doubt. It is where he finds his courage to face evil. The Green Lantern is given his abilities through the power of will.

When our willpower is spent and depleted; we feel defeated inside, we are filled with doubt and fear, and we question why we even began. That is why the external couplings are so important, and strengthening the inner sides of our willpower. Every day your willpower will be tested to see how much you truly want your goals and desires. Do not feel defeated, do not be discouraged.

“This is the way.”

 

 

 

Reference for further in-depth reading:

https://www.apa.org/helpcenter/willpower

 

 

God.Talk_I am here, because ‘I AM’ is inside here…

I am here, because ‘I AM’ is inside here…

The room was dark as the cool fall breeze blew through the tiny crack in the living room window. I sat there, with the high pitched ringing in my ears from my tinnitus. I had noticed it years ago, but it wasnt until recently that i had taken notice to how bad it had really gotten. I realized how I naturally seemed to always have some type of noise playing in the background to cancel it out inside my head, but that night with the house quite and alone, it was ringing louder than before.

Tonight it seemed to be almost blaring as I sat in the recliner looking out the window… looking for some type of hope in my life. I wanted to think that there was a light at the end of the tunnel i found myself in, I just couldnt see it yet…. I thought, “maybe there is gonna be help just around the next corner,” only to look up and simply see a straight line that only went towards the horizon, with no end in site… just the same dreadful outcome lay ahead. The simple fact was my mind was thinking that things would get better, some how and in some way… but my spirit didnt believe any of it.

The room began to grow darker…. because the same darkness I knew once before continued to lurk around me once again. How many times have I asked God why? Why this, why that, why me? And still you sit there empty and without any answers… that was me.

I had gone through a situation that triggered past darkness that month… I was then later informed that I would not be paid for a paycheck and would have to wait and carry on till the next paycheck. To follow that up, things were continuing to break around me, hundreds of dollars here, hundreds there. Every week it seemed as if things were just continuing to get worse.

Why am I even here?

I told and reminded myself countless times the things I had accomplished. The impacts I had made. The achievements I had earned through my hard work, and the many blessings God continued to give me. But it wasn’t able to fill the void of emptiness that remained inside me.

As that emptiness filled my mind with doubt, my spirit continued to be sorrounded by the darkness that crawled its way to my chair. As I sat in the chair looking out the window, the darkness enveloped me like a blanket.

Helplessness and hoplessness were at the forefront of my mind. Doubt erased any motivation that attempted to rise up, while fear, even though self generated by my own thoughts, appeared to be my only future.

I simply told myself to “hold on”, but, “hold on to what?” That was the question I couldnt even answer myself, nor did I feel like I was getting any answers from God. As the night sailed further on, the only thing I had was, “just hold on”.

I had been in this dark place before, and even before that, as a young teenager I was even at the point of thinking of suicide. Though you can overcome these thoughts, satan will always wait in the darkness of your mind… wait for the perfect opportunity to not just drag you, but pull you down in to his grave.

Every night for over a month, I had to hold on to every last bif of thread, and it connected to the echo of Gods voice, saying “hold on”… I had to lift up all my burdens, as I simply walked daily feeling as if I was just an empty shell.

I didnt know which way to turn, but I simply had to motivate myself to try and do my best every day… and on one random day when I woke up, I realized that my troubles simply started fading away as I watched God make the blocks I needed fall exactly in to place.

A peace and understanding of Gods loving overwatch and protection was brough in to a new understanding. I realized, that my God, who simply said “I AM”, the God of wonders that declared to all creation in existence that He alone was the God of all, was the same God that lives inside my soul. When He tells His children that He has a plan for us… He means it.

I am here, because I AM is not done with me. God uses us in so many ways and in so many peoples lives that we don’t even realize it. Many times we are struck down in a complete depression for the position and place that God has brought us to, that we sometimes forget God is keeping us there for a specific reason, and calling us to fulfill a specific purpose in His plan.

I AM has not abandoned us, but simply needed us to be a light in a dark world… God knows that darkness, depression, doubt, fear, and loneliness are attacking us daily, yet He knows that this suffering is able to be overcome, and He knows that peace, joy, and enlightenment is awaiting us who weather the storm.

I Am has brought me here, to this point in time and space for a specific reason. He is not done using me, therefore, wherever the road leads I must be willing to keep pressing forward, “holding on” to his promises, and knowing that we are simply there doing work for Him and His glory.

The mountain trail God leads us on is not easy. It is filled with jagged rocks and boulders. Deep crevices and cliff faces. Loose rock that slips beneath our feet, wind, rain, ice, snow that tries to defeat us. But He brings us along this path because there are many others hurting around us as well, for we are not alone in the daily fight. So give love in His name. Tell others how much you appreciate them. Give more hugs to one another, because we all need the comfort of loving arms wrapped around us in moment of hurting.

We are here, because I Am resides inside us, and resides here amongst us. So love one another, and always try to let others know you love them. My time on earth has not come to an end, because God is still needed me for His work, and I must be faithful to His will. This chapter of darkness is over, and I am sure i will face many more. But I am here and will remain here till I AM calls me home to be with Him.

LdrOlgy_EXCELLENCE in all WE DO

“A man who has the answer to the problem, and does not share it, is a larger problem than the obstacle currently facing the team.” – TSgt TJ Lombardi

The small room was filled with 62 young men wearing their Battle Dress Uniforms, (BDU’s). They were crammed in to the room, sitting cross-legged on the floor, because there was simply no room for them to fit otherwise. The intense, fearless, and unyielding Training Instructor, SSgt De-Leon Acosta paced the room as she asked the young BMT Flight. “Is perfection obtainable?!” The pause filled the room as everyone was afraid to answer. “Is perfection obtainable?! NO! But it is the pursuit of perfect that you find excellence!” She then followed it up with, “You must give your absolute best… that if at any time… someone comes to inspect your work, there is NO DOUBT… that you gave your best… NO… DOUBT!” The intense shout leaving an impact that would be an anchor for others to rely upon, for what the standard was, and still is to this day.

We should be pursuing excellence… in all we do…. It is not excellence in all “I” do… it is EXCELLENCE in all WE DO! Our passion for pursuit of excellence “should” be contagious. As we push ourselves, we should be pushing all of those around us to push themselves. You see, I… am pursuing excellence, I am pursuing to create the best quality of work, but we… together… as a team… must be pursuing excellence. We must all rely on each other, and we must all be able to come to the circle, and see everyone in our team together and tell one another in pure honest humility, “Yes! I will give us, our team, my absolute best!” And if you cannot truly have the integrity to stand there and tell your entire team that, than you know that you are a weak link.

If you are that weak link… WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?!?! Are you truly giving your best? Are you truly giving your team… your best? If you don’t know the answer, ask! If you are not sure where to turn to next… say so! Integrity in the form of an action, is to be a self-initiating choice of knowing that the problem will not be solved, unless you yourself take the action to find the solution.

If the team is presented with a problem that effects the progression of the team, and a man who has the answer to the problem, and chooses to not share it with the team, is a larger problem than the obstacle currently facing the team.

We as individuals and as a team must be openly dedicated to the progression of our mission together. For if one falls, we all fall. For it is not just I that needs to give my best, it is all of us that must give our best. Let us be a team that proudly states for all to bear witness, “Excellence in all WE DO!’

Thoughts_A New Book Written Each Day

A New book, written each day.

Written By:   TJ Lombardi    16 March 2009

REPUBLISHED

______________________________________________________________________

Sometimes books are not written on paper, or parchment,
or even on the digital pages of an e-book.
Sometimes we get to “read books” inscribed upon the heart of someone we know. What type of author will you be?

I write, not for the sake of glory, not for the sake of fame, not for the sake of success, but for the sake of my soul. – Rachel Joy Scott.-

I was reminded of these words just yesterday evening. I wondered to myself, “Why am I writing all these papers? Why am I starting to write more and more letters and notes of encouragement to my dear family and close friends?” As I sat back in my chair and pondered these questions, those words of Columbine victim Rachel Joy Scott came to mind. I believe that her statement also truly expresses my heart and soul: “I write for the sake of my soul.” This same idea is expressed by the early church father, Ignatius, as quoted in the book Jesus Freaks (pg 246):

My dear Jesus, my Savior, is so deeply written in my heart, that I feel confident, that if my heart were to be cut open and chopped to pieces, the name of Jesus would be found written on every piece. – Ignatius, Devoured by wild animals in Rome. 111AD

When the Lord has changed your life, how can you keep quiet? When God has done impossible things for you and has opened opportunities in numerous ways, why would you not want future generations to hear about it?

Currently, one of life’s greatest frustrations is the discussion I have on a regular basis with my “general editor.” I’ve told him numerous times, “Dude, you have to write a book! What are you waiting for? Don’t you realize how many lives you could impact?” Of course, he normally responds with the same answer every time, “I don’t have time to write a book because I am always busy proof-reading yours.” But I know in my heart that there is something in his heart that this generation and future generations need to hear with their hearts.

If being a Christian were easy, everyone would do it.
Not to know God, but to have the easy life. – Rachel Joy Scott –

I think that one of the best examples in the Bible of an individual who has scripted the story of his life for us is the Apostle Paul. One of my favorite letters of his is 2 Timothy. In one passage in particular the Apostle Paul writes very personally and passionately about his life. “As for me, my life has already been poured out as an offering to God. The time of my death is near” (2 Timothy 4:6). Paul tells us, I have “already been poured out” – that is, all of my life has been given to God as a living sacrifice. (Remember Romans 12:1? “And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all He has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind He will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship Him”).

Paul has told us time and time again, that he has faced struggles just as much as any other person.

2 Corinthians 12:7 “. . . Even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.” I love how Paul then goes on to just cry out to us about his frustration.

Romans7:24 “Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?” Then, in the next verse what a great response he gives us! “Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord (Romans 7:25a).

Paul was a great example for us of what we might call a “living book.” Every page that he wrote clearly displayed his everyday life and attitude. So was Rachel Joy Scott, one of my favorite “authors.” Her life was her book, although thankfully, she also kept a personal journal. Rachel had such a passion for people, which becomes crystal clear when one reads some of the many books about Rachel that contain excerpts from her journals.

Dec 25th, 97

Dear God, Thank you!!! Thank you for my mom, my mom who game me this journal so that I may write you. Thank you for my family, my friends and my youth, my words will be said to you thru my writings. I write to you now thanking you. Today we recognize the birth of your Son, Jesus. I thank you for Him. He was born to us, so that He may die for us. Thank you. I love you Father. I love you because of your grace, your righteousness, your forgiveness, your love. Amen. – Rachel Joy Scott

Because of her tragic death at Columbine High School, Rachel will never be able to write a New York Times Best-Seller. She will never get to go on Larry King Live or the Today Show and talk about what inspired her to sit down and put the ink on the page. Yet, she did something that had a far broader and more profound impact than what many authors only dream of being able to do. She engraved the image of God upon people’s souls.

At times, David was so overcome with the closeness of the presence of God that he could barely contain himself: Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? – Psalm 139:7

But at other times, David felt the absence of God so strongly that he had to cry out: How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and everyday have the sorrow in my heart? – Psalm 13:1-2

I stand back, God, and I watch those around me and ask myself, what is it that they’re feeling? What is it that they’re thinking? Are they seeing you? Can they hear you? If so, why can’t I? What am I doing so wrong that I can’t reach that level? Everyone looks at me and thinks wow, what a together kinda girl. She’s doing good but you know God that I’m not. Why won’t you fix that? I don’t understand this feeling is killing me, God. Why don’t you do something? I know that you have already done so much but why stop there? I want to reach a new level with you God. Take me there, Please, God, take me there. I want that so much. I want to serve you. I want to be used by you to

help others. But I feel like I can’t do that until you change this feeling I have come to me God, and make use of me.

Your servant, Rachel Joy”

~~~~~~

Things untold, Things unseen, One day all these things will come to me.
Life of meaning, Life of hope, Life of significance is mine to cope.
I have a purpose, I have a dream, I have a future, so it seems. – Rachel Joy Scott

I am convinced that Rachel truly understood what the Lord was talking about when He told us,

Galatians 6:9 “So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.”

James 3:18 “And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.”

Luke 10:27 “The man answered, ‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'”

As I read the words she penned in her journals, they paint a verbal picture for me of the type of person she truly was. She lived in such a way that her love of Christ was inscribed on the hearts and souls of her friends every day.

God can’t do anything in your life unless you meet him halfway. You have to make room for him. A lot of room. – Rachel Joy Scott

I guess I have had a similar experience with my general editor. I have already mentioned that he may never write a book. He may never take the time to sit down and write out all the amazing things that God has shown him and taught him throughout his life. But, do you know what? That is okay with me, for to date he has written more than twenty-two years worth in my heart and soul – and perhaps up to almost twice as much in the hearts of countless other people. You see, my general editor is my father (and he does his work for me gratis). He has written page after page as a living example of a great godly man, godly husband, godly preacher, and godly friend.

Like my dad, I, too, may never write a book. I may never really know what it is like to be sitting in an interview with a publisher discussing the reason and passion behind the chapters, paragraphs and sentences I crafted. To be sure, I have written a few papers that are available for free online. I have written them “for the sake of my soul” – and to hope and pray that someday those of you who are reading these words, may find peace in the life of Christ. But my greatest longing is that I, too, like my dad, may inscribe my love for and commitment to Jesus Christ on the hearts and souls of others around me.

Unquestionably, the Apostle Paul was the biggest (human) contributor to the New Testament Scripture. But, he, too, inscribed his message on the hearts and souls of those in his sphere of influence. So, my question for you today is, are you allowing yourself to be the biggest contributor of Christ in someone else’s life today? If you were the only “Jesus” that someone

would have to see, would you be a perfect reflection of Jesus for them to see? Are you engraving Jesus’ life in someone’s heart and soul by your day to day thoughts, words and deeds?

Every morning when you wake up, you will begin an additional day with which you have been blessed by God. During that day you will once again have the opportunity to write a new book – to inscribe your words upon your friends, family, coworkers, and neighbors. Will the “book” of your life turn out to be a “best seller” in heaven?

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. (Hebrews 12:1)

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The Day You Carry My Casket.

My dear friends,
When the day comes that the Lord calls me home,
Please know that you are not alone.
For the Lord and Savior who lives in me
Is right in front of you with open arms,
Ready to take hold of you and give you the same love that He has given me. As you carry me down the aisle, please know that I love you all.
Do not let the sorrow of death be upon your door,
But embrace the joy of Christ, for no matter how hard we try
There are still souls that will never know that loving joy.
I cry my own tears while writing this,
For I know that there is and was so much more that I could be doing
To serve this amazing God who lives inside me.
Christ carried a cross to His death.
He also carried all our sins, and with His death, we are set FREE!
If you only know one thing about me, please know my love for my Savior, Who has washed my sins away and cleansed my darkest deeds.
Please do not cry for me,
For I have lived a life walking the path with our Lord.
Please take your tears and allow them to give you strength
To reach out to those lost souls that I could not reach.
Help show them who God is,
And the Love God has for each of us.

~ TJ Lombardi, 6 January 2009

LdrOlgy_Cloud of Witnesses

Hebrews 12:1 The Voice (VOICE)

12:1 So since we stand surrounded by all those who have gone before, an enormous cloud of witnesses, let us drop every extra weight, every sin that clings to us and slackens our pace, and let us run with endurance the long race set before us.

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Our cloud of witnesses. In todays society, the internet and social media have given us a digital platform where videos, photos and content can be uploaded instantly. As they say, “Once it is posted on the internet, it will be there floating around forever.” I don’t know how true that really is; but there is something more important and something that truly will always be remembered, and that is your actions, your spirit, your behavior to those around you.

The book of Hebrews in the New Testament of the Bible tells us that we are “Surrounded by an enormous cloud of witnesses.”  All of our fellow Christians who have gone before us. They watch us and wait for us to join them.

For those of us in the warrior brotherhood; we imagine the thought of our family awaiting us in the halls of Valhalla; awaiting to great us in a ceremonious roar once we arrive at its doors.

And for those of you who have read my older blog post, you will know how I view, and combine both of those beliefs.

But what about the cloud of witnesses here? Those that surround us daily?

You are always on display 24/7, 365.  Your actions and how you carry yourself will always be judged and analyzed by those surrounding you. This performance in leadership is why I would say that it is truly something rooted inside certain people and developed over time, it is not something that can simply be learned and acquired.

Every day, you must battle yourself and ask, “Will I be a good man? Do I have the strength to be such a man?”  And many days you truly do have to rely on God to give you that strength and courage to be such a man. Because leadership is something that will challenge you more anything.

This cloud of witnesses is not simply your peers, your troops, your employees. It is your wife, and it is your kids, it is your family, it is your friends. It is everyone around you; all with whom you come in to contact.

That is why the other part of the verse encourages us, ‘to throw off every weight that weighs us down, and holds us back from keeping the stride of our run in this race.‘ You as a leader will always be surrounded by the cloud of witnesses, and if they are ever asked, what will they say about you from what they have witnessed?

Thoughts_I am here, because ‘I AM’ is inside here…

I am here, because ‘I AM’ is inside here…

The room was dark as the cool fall breeze blew through the tiny crack in the living room window. I sat there, with the high pitched ringing in my ears from my tinnitus. I had noticed it years ago, but it wasnt until recently that i had taken notice to how bad it had really gotten. I realized how I naturally seemed to always have some type of noise playing in the background to cancel it out inside my head, but that night with the house quite and alone, it was ringing louder than before.

Tonight it seemed to be almost blaring as I sat in the recliner looking out the window… looking for some type of hope in my life. I wanted to think that there was a light at the end of the tunnel i found myself in, I just couldnt see it yet…. I thought, “maybe there is gonna be help just around the next corner,” only to look up and simply see a straight line that only went towards the horizon, with no end in site… just the same dreadful outcome lay ahead. The simple fact was my mind was thinking that things would get better, some how and in some way… but my spirit didnt believe any of it.

The room began to grow darker…. because the same darkness I knew once before continued to lurk around me once again. How many times have I asked God why? Why this, why that, why me? And still you sit there empty and without any answers… that was me.

I had gone through a situation that triggered past darkness that month… I was then later informed that I would not be paid for a paycheck and would have to wait and carry on till the next paycheck. To follow that up, things were continuing to break around me, hundreds of dollars here, hundreds there. Every week it seemed as if things were just continuing to get worse.

Why am I even here?

I told and reminded myself countless times the things I had accomplished. The impacts I had made. The achievements I had earned through my hard work, and the many blessings God continued to give me. But it wasn’t able to fill the void of emptiness that remained inside me.

As that emptiness filled my mind with doubt, my spirit continued to be sorrounded by the darkness that crawled its way to my chair. As I sat in the chair looking out the window, the darkness enveloped me like a blanket.

Helplessness and hoplessness were at the forefront of my mind. Doubt erased any motivation that attempted to rise up, while fear, even though self generated by my own thoughts, appeared to be my only future.

I simply told myself to “hold on”, but, “hold on to what?” That was the question I couldnt even answer myself, nor did I feel like I was getting any answers from God. As the night sailed further on, the only thing I had was, “just hold on”.

I had been in this dark place before, and even before that, as a young teenager I was even at the point of thinking of suicide. Though you can overcome these thoughts, satan will always wait in the darkness of your mind… wait for the perfect opportunity to not just drag you, but pull you down in to his grave.

Every night for over a month, I had to hold on to every last bif of thread, and it connected to the echo of Gods voice, saying “hold on”… I had to lift up all my burdens, as I simply walked daily feeling as if I was just an empty shell.

I didnt know which way to turn, but I simply had to motivate myself to try and do my best every day… and on one random day when I woke up, I realized that my troubles simply started fading away as I watched God make the blocks I needed fall exactly in to place.

A peace and understanding of Gods loving overwatch and protection was brough in to a new understanding. I realized, that my God, who simply said “I AM”, the God of wonders that declared to all creation in existence that He alone was the God of all, was the same God that lives inside my soul. When He tells His children that He has a plan for us… He means it.

I am here, because I AM is not done with me. God uses us in so many ways and in so many peoples lives that we don’t even realize it. Many times we are struck down in a complete depression for the position and place that God has brought us to, that we sometimes forget God is keeping us there for a specific reason, and calling us to fulfill a specific purpose in His plan.

I AM has not abandoned us, but simply needed us to be a light in a dark world… God knows that darkness, depression, doubt, fear, and loneliness are attacking us daily, yet He knows that this suffering is able to be overcome, and He knows that peace, joy, and enlightenment is awaiting us who weather the storm.

I Am has brought me here, to this point in time and space for a specific reason. He is not done using me, therefore, wherever the road leads I must be willing to keep pressing forward, “holding on” to his promises, and knowing that we are simply there doing work for Him and His glory.

The mountain trail God leads us on is not easy. It is filled with jagged rocks and boulders. Deep crevices and cliff faces. Loose rock that slips beneath our feet, wind, rain, ice, snow that tries to defeat us. But He brings us along this path because there are many others hurting around us as well, for we are not alone in the daily fight. So give love in His name. Tell others how much you appreciate them. Give more hugs to one another, because we all need the comfort of loving arms wrapped around us in moment of hurting.

We are here, because I Am resides inside us, and resides here amongst us. So love one another, and always try to let others know you love them. My time on earth has not come to an end, because God is still needed me for His work, and I must be faithful to His will. This chapter of darkness is over, and I am sure i will face many more. But I am here and will remain here till I AM calls me home to be with Him.

Thoughts_The End of 2018

The last day of the year. A day when we can reflect back on everything that has taken place over the past 365 days… Out of the 8,760 hrs that is covered in the year; we all have come away with bad moments, but also good memories.

2018 was a year that had some of my darkest moments yet in life. It was also a year filled with some amazing memories, and filled with some of the brightest shining stars.

Another year where God reminded me how precious life is… how amazing people are… and how incredibly beautiful this world is. From getting knocked down by a rouge wave crashing along the Oregon coast… to climbing to the tops of Volcanos… Rescuing people out of the woods… to watching over a young life taken too soon.

Having moments where you are emotionally crushed, and falling down in tears from loss; to where you are falling down in tears in laughter over the joy life can bring us. This is another year on this earth. Not everyone is given another day; but we should always do our best to make the most of every new day.

This year was another year I was given to live on this planet; and though it had some of the roughest storms I’ve had to overcome… I am happy for them, because those dark moments allowed me to see some bright shining days filled with smiles, and filled with laughter. Seeing new life brought in to this world, as other lives are taken away from it.

God does work in mysterious ways, and ways that we will never know, nor understand. But, that is also not our place some days. Though we will sit here and ask God why!?!? He simply will only answer through the comforting thought of the memories and moments left behind. We simply must cast our emotions and spirit up to Him.

There are so many people I could thank, and recognize for another year coming to an end. Yet, the only real reason I am still here is because God is still watching over me, and wanting me to keep doing some work on this earth. Though my heart was torn apart losing Trevor this year; I know that my time is still not here to be reunited with him in heaven.

For anyone out there reading this. Live life to the fullest, enjoy your time on this planet, and try to be a better person with every day you’re given. Trevor Moheit was a man who had a heart of gold, and did everything he could to make those around him feel loved and welcome.

I love you brother, and miss you every day.  I am going to fall asleep tonight saying goodbye to 2018, but I will never say goodbye to you, and never let your memory fade away.  I can’t wait to see you again, and I know you are watching over me not just in 2019, but in every day God still keeps me on this earth.

Goodnight World, We’ll See You Tomorrow.

SAR_Pulpit Rock_13 Oct, 2018

I was leaning back in the office chair with my cell phone watching the Oregon Ducks play the Washington Huskies. SSgt James Oshel, a new member of our Security Forces unit was at my desk computer completing his Computer Based Training to authorize him network access. We had been laughing and sharing stories from our time at the Air Force’s Northern Tier Nuclear bases.

The Oregon Ducks had just scored and taken the lead in the game. I was filled with excitement and was simply enjoying the moment when my phone began to buzz from the phone call. “James Gale” scrolled down from the screen. Swiping the “accept call option”, “Hey brother what’s up!?” James cut straight to the chase, “Are you able to go?” The wind from his truck could be heard in the background. “Able to go to what?” I replied with some confusion. “We have a SAR call out?” “What!?” I said with a little shock. I swiped down at the top of my screen to show all my notifications. There with my email icon displayed, “Mission Manager – Notification” I lifted the phone back up to my ear, “Hey we have a SAR call out!” I said with excitement but made sure to add my casual sarcasm I openly had with James. “No shit!” was all he responded with. “So what do we got?” I asked with intense curiosity. Of course I wanted to go! What type of question was that? The only problem was that I was stuck at work, and didn’t honestly think I would be able to get away, but when the Team Leader, and one like James is calling me and asking if I can go, I knew he was relying on me and wanted me to be a part of his team.

“I’m not 100% sure, all I have right now is that a guy has fallen it to what sounds like a canyon and they’re not able to get to him… sounds really bad.” James expressed. “Rog… let me call and check. I’ll call you right back.” I hung up the phone, James facial expressions were up with intensity, surprise, and curiosity in the situation. “A Search and Rescue mission?” He asked, “Yeah… this one sounds bad.”  I quickly navigated through my cell phones pages till I saw my supervisors contact information. My supervisor was at a different part of base and not in his office at the moment. “Yeah what’s up?” He asked, “Hey boss. SAR is asking if I am able to respond on a mission right now. Sounds like a guy has fallen in a canyon or something and is in really bad shape.” “Is there anything else you have to do at work?” “Nope, all of my stuff is taken care of right now.” “Ok, well make sure that Oshel can finish up his computer training, but yeah go do your thing.” “Thanks boss!” without missing a beat I swiped the recent calls to find James’s number. “Hey, boss said I am good-to-go, I’ll be at the compound in 5 mins!” Grabbing my few personal things on my desk and throwing them in to my pockets. “Awesome! See you there!” James replied. Oshel’s eyes were super big now, “Do you need me to do anything….?”  Somewhat in shock with my behavior, as if a light switch had just flipped from chill mode to FULL AFTERBURNER. “Nope! Just finish that up and close the door when you’re done. Sorry to leave you hanging man, but hopefully I will see you again soon.”

I rushed out of the office and bursting through the double doors of the building started in on a jog to the car; throwing my items in the back seat I jumped in and hauled around base to the exit. Speeding around the exterior of the airport perimeter I made it to the SAR compound. James, Bill Wood, and Jason Pettigrew were all at the compound and had our two SAR vehicles out and almost completely ready to go. I ran around to the trunk of my SUV and began getting my gear and ready bag out of the back; rushing my stuff over to the truck I threw the items in the back of the first SAR truck.

Everyone was jogging or speed walking around the compound. “Are we all good-to-go!?” Someone called from a far side of a SAR truck. “Yeah I think so!” Came a reply from somewhere else. We all were doing our best to get everything together and openly communicated across the compound by loud call outs and shouts to one another so that everyone else could here what the rest of the team members were trying to accomplish at that moment.

We rushed out of the compound, Jason Pettigrew and I in the lead vehicle; I jumped out of the truck and closed the compound gate as both vehicles rushed through. We rushed down the road and had made it 5 minutes away when we received a text message from the Sheriff in charge of SAR. “Go back to compound and be sure to grab ATV’s and Side-By-Side.” Jason and I just looked at each other and then we “safely” whipped the truck back around and rushed back to the compound. We didn’t even speak about the plan, because we were already mentally in sink. I jumped out of the truck as soon as the arrived back at the compound, unlocking the gate and shoving it open Jason and James drove in and headed straight for the garage as I ran through the compound. Unlocking the man-door to the garage I then unlocked the bay doors and shoved them wide open. Bill went ahead and started grabbing ATV helmets and we loaded the additional equipment trailers to the trucks. A few moments later we were back on the road and headed straight North on Highway 97.

Our victim being in the Northwest corner of the county, only .62 miles away from the county line we rushed as quick as we could to the accident site. Jason being an ODF Fire Chief had his radio already turned on and was listening to the radio traffic going over the Law Enforcement Chanel. Sgt Darrin Frank was the Incident Commander that day and we would here him on the radio along with the multiple fire crew agencies. Jason and I spent the 1.5 hrs drive discussing our previous SAR Mission together (Scott Creek Search) and enjoying the road trip filled with other conversation topics such as family, friends, and hobbies we both had.

As we neared the accident site we heard the radio crackle alive, this is “Medevac Helo 629 over.” The Oregon National Guard medevac unit out of Salem had activated for the call and was a few minutes away when their communication came over the radio air waves. On top of the ridgeline adjacent to Pulpit Rock’s cliff face Sheriff Deputies Steve Leslie and Ben Scheen along with members from North SAR watched as the helo hovered in to the canyon and lowered their medic down to the two hikers.

A Boy Scout Troop had left Albany / Corvallis, Oregon area with the goal of having a fun filled camping trip to Middle Rosary Lake. As the kids and troop settled in for the afternoon, one of the scouts asked a senior scout if he would take him up to the top of Pulpit Rock. We received some inter-mixed information that the senior scout had climbed it previously, but a report also stated that he had “discovered a new route to the top.”  After some persistent requests from the jr. scout, the senior scout agreed to take him. The two departed the group and made their way up the mountain side. The report we received stated that the senior scout had fallen approx. 20 ft, and the two scouts were almost 200 ft from the peak of Pulpit Rock. As we drove up to the Incident Command Post, (ICP) Jason and I both looking at maps, google earth, weather patterns for the evening, and then double, triple checked again for possible routes, areas of interest/note etc. We were receiving little to no information on the SAR radio channel, but were happy to have his ODF radio with us and able to hear the radio traffic going on.

The car ride up we tried our best to have joy and laughter in the midst of our conversation. We vented about work drama / stress, shared insights and thoughts about how we could help make our SAR team better and progress, and then shared jokes we had heard throughout the week. There was nothing we could do to speed up getting to our victims, our trucks could only safely travel at a certain speed, and if we got in an accident also, we wouldn’t be any help to anyone.

We were close to 30 minutes from the ICP when we heard the radio call, “Command this is Helo 629. Be advised, main victim is diseased. I repeat, member is diseased, and we will be transporting secondary victim due to leg injury.” The response came back across the radio, “Just to confirm… are you lifting the diseased up to you and transporting?”  A small pause over the radio, “Command – Helo 629, that is a negative, we are unable to transport diseased and will send grid coordinates to you here when ready to copy…..”

The truck became sorrowfully quite. We didn’t say anything then… it was one minute when it seemed we had smiles on our faces and were openly planning how we were going to charge up the hill on this mission, and then the next moment, neither one of us wanted to say… anything. I reflected on how the jr. scout had to spend almost 4 hrs on the side of a cliff next to a friend. I felt a deep sorrow and sadness for the young scout… it must be a heart tearing thing to have to handle the death of a close friend at 14 years old. I imagined the family of the 16 year old, and envisioned the Sheriff deputy walking up to the house… knocking on the door, and saying, “I deeply regret to inform you, that your son’s life has come to an end today…” There was a deep pit inside my soul at that moment… one I had not felt in a long… long time.

We arrived at the ICP and rallied up on the Sheriff’s truck. James informed us, “We’re not going to attempt to bring him down tonight. It’s going to be dark soon and it will be far to risky to put our people in danger, but we are going to go up and assess the situation on how it will be best to get him out. Are you guys coming?” James didn’t even have to ask, because Jason and I almost in unison stated, “Of course!” we grabbed our gear and through it in to his truck and began to drive our way up the mountain. We were lucky for the fact that the Sheriff’s office had already made contact with the ski resort ownership that was located on the West side of the hill’s / mountains. They had given us permission to drive our vehicles on the ski slopes to get closer to the accident site. Instead of a 2 hr hike in on the trail, we simply had a half mile hike across the hill top / mountain range.

As we crested the top of the hillside, we parked the truck and unloaded. “I’m just going to go light you guys, you don’t have to take your packs.” James told us. “Well where is the fun in that!” Jason replied. “Yeah I am taking my too.” I added on. The three of us headed out on to the trail, Jason and I being the mountain goats we try to be were just hauling ass through the woods / hillside till we got to the final saddle of the cliff face. The Helo team’s coordinates were either off, or the aircrew leader misread the numbers because they showed 16 miles off; so we did not know exactly where the victim was. We came to the West side of the cliff and we assessed it and found that we simply had to slowly make our way to the West via the Southern route. Contouring the side of the cliff we did our best to ensure we used our own safety and risk mitigation techniques throughout the climb. Jason and I finally made it to the West side. As we looked out across the valley we saw the camp fire of the Scout Troop below at the lake. The view was simply gorgeous. “He at least left us and this world at a place that was beautiful, and doing what he loved.” I thought to myself.

“I got a foot print here…” a short pause, “Yeah here are the kids trail here.” Jason said. He was about 40 feet in front of me on the contour line of the cliff side. Jason and I discussed the reports of falling 20 ft, and being 200 ft from the peak. “We are almost exactly that elevation, they might actually just be below us.” I said. The whole time I had kept looking up at the peak trying to find a route and way continually up; but simply forgot that they could potentially have been below our actually location. Jason took about 5 more steps North when he called out to us, “Hey guys. I have him over here.” The mountain side became quite again. James, Jason and I gathered around. After a few minutes of silence, Jason began taking photos of the scene. Helping show the evidence we could see of what had happened. James began to mentally engineer his ropes and rigging that he would want to use for tomorrow. I simply sat down on the side of the hill close to our victim. I loaded up my iTunes music… and put on my instrumental playlist that I would listen to when out in nature. As the soft music flowed through the cooling night air, I simply prayed for the victim and his friends and family who were now experiencing one of the hardest parts of life.

From what we could see and gather; the senior scout had started to climb up and in between to rock faces protruding out from the main cliff face, in an attempt to reach the next tiered level of the cliff. The rock he had grabbed with his hand had broken free and gave way when he put his body weight to it. The result sent him falling backwards…

As we finished up our time on the cliff side Jason broke the silence over the radio, “Be advised if the family would like, I will stay out here overnight until the morning team can make it in.” I had already been notified by work that I had to be at morning formation, no exceptions. We gathered up our gear and slowly made our way back to the truck and back down the mountain.

As we arrived back at the ICP we rallied up around the rest of the team. “I am willing to go back up tonight and spend the night if you need me to.” Jason repeated. The Sheriff’s office called in one of the reserve deputies and they were going to have them go back up the mountain along with Jason. Jason then went back over to our SAR vehicle and started grabbing the rest of his gear that was in the truck, but then went back over everything in his backpack to ensure he had everything that he could possibly need out there. I was following close behind him. “Do you need some extra food? I have almonds, cliff bars, an MRE.” “Nope I think I am good with that.” “Do you need another emergency blanket? Bivey?” “Nope I’m good.” Jason being the all-star that he was, was always prepared and ready to go. “I wish I was able to go back up there with you man. I’m sorry I cant.” That’s all I could say to him at that point. “No worries! I’ll be out there and we’ll watch over him.” With that we said our “see you later!” and I jumped in to the SAR truck. After a quick communication with James and Bill in the other vehicle we headed out… and then… it was silent.

My heart was now even more down in to the dark pit. I was not able to complete our mission… I had to leave this young man out on the side of the cliff, and was not allowed to be a part of bringing him down. But even more heart wrenching was the fact that I was leaving my teammate. I have been in the military for 11 years… and we always talk about having your “wingman” with you, or your “battle brother” beside you. We rely on team work and being there for each other… yet I was leaving my SAR brother out there, to finish a mission that I was not able to finish. That was the hardest part, was having to walk away. My heart wrenched the whole way home, and finally called my best friend and simply shared the sorrow filling in my heart. She listened, and provided what comfort she could.

The next morning I sent Jason a text:

TJ:  “Hey brother, hope you had a good night on the mountain. Both Matt, (Matt Marshall, my fellow SAR and Military Brother) and I wish we were out there with you last night / today.”

Jason:  “Thank you. Dang cold right now.” And then put an emoji face at the end.

Jason stayed out on the mountain side as temperatures reached below 20 degrees with the wind-chill that night. A true testament to the heart and soul of him and the many others in the SAR community who openly volunteer time and time again. The morning team would finally arrive out to the victim. 20 SAR individuals showed up the next day to assist. SAR members from Josephine and Lake counties even showed up to assist.

Not every search, or rescue mission comes out as a success. But for those of us who commit to being SAR members, we will always do everything we can to bring everyone out and back to their families. Even if that means, we continue to take watch over night. So that others may live, and that we all may be at peace when they are returned back.