Thoughts_Don’t Be Afraid To Swing

The cheer would carry itself over the distance and the crowd of other parents in attendance, “Come on TJ you got this!”  The next call would echo out, “Let’s go buddy!” A short, chubby, and completely out of shape TJ would slowly step up to the batters box of the little league field. My bat in tow, my batting helmet on, and my bright blue and orange Met’s uniform was in high contrast on the spring afternoon in Desert Hot Springs, CA.

I would step up to the plate, do one or two of those rotation swings to make me feel as if I was loosened up. The pitcher narrowed his eyes in to the catcher, and as we all did back then, we pretended we were on live TV, and this was the big game. The pitcher wound up and threw the ball as best as he could. “STRIKE” came the call. “It’s ok pal! You got this” Came the new cheer from my parents. I would gaze upward, “Maybe this will be my pitch” I’d think to myself.  The pitcher wound up, another heater coming down the pipe just as if he was Hall of Fame’r Randy Johnson… “STRRRRIKE” came the call again. “Alright TJ, don’t worry this next one is yours!”  My parents would yell out, clearly having far more faith in my abilities than I did. “Ok… Ok… This one, this one is mine!”  I’d tell myself.  The Pitcher knowing he had me against the wall and was about to cock back his rifle of an arm; which would then release the final round from his firing squad pitch. “Here it comes, here it comes, here it…”   “STRIKE! You’re out son.”  The umpire would mercilessly tell me.

And that process would continue on for most of my year in little league. I was given the award of “Most walked player” because I was so afraid of swinging that I got walked more times than I got on base from hitting the ball. In practice, aww man I was crushing balls and making monster outfield hits, but when it came to the real game, I simply didn’t have the courage to take the swing on the pitch that I really wanted to.

But that is also life sometimes isn’t it? We prepare, train, practice and get as ready as we can for a job, career, or opportunity, but we never take the swing at the ball.  Self-doubt is something that many people struggle with; especially when we also surround ourselves with other people who have self-doubt. They discourage us from trying, or try to tear us down from the little bit of motivation that we do muster up. The simple fact is that you cant listen to the self-doubt, and you cant let those who are filled with self-doubt stop you from trying.

As the old saying goes, “You’re always going to have a no answer if you never ask the question.”  Same goes for taking the first step of courage; you cant get a home-run unless you swing the bat, and don’t be afraid to swing away, sooner or later your rotation is going to come back around and you’ll be up to bat again to swing for the fences. So go crush your home run!

Short_The Barber

As you drive towards the center of town, you’d find it on the outskirts. It’s so small in size that one could easily pass right by it and not even notice. The dirt and gravel parking lot surrounds it, with the red, white, and blue striped barbers pole swirling outside; a historic symbol reaching back to the Middle Ages. As you walked up to the door, a firm and hardy push was required to open it. Your nose was filled with a warm aromatic mixture of leather, cedar, pine, and of course the morning coffee which was either currently brewing, or sitting in its pot ready for the next cup to be poured.

Immediately to the left was an old wooden rocking chair, the type that gave a light squeak with every rock its participant put in to it. The left side of the room held a wooden bench that resembled that of a old church pew and park bench combined. It also had that warm wooden creak sound to it that was only perfected over the many years it settled in to its existence. The wall behind and above the wooden bench was filled with old photographs. Photographs of memories long ago, polaroids and captured snapshots in time. Many with dates written on the button and a brief title, “John’s first steelhead trout.” or something similar to that effect.

The small wood fireplace was in the right corner of the room. The crackling pops of the fire made it feel like your escape cabin. You weren’t in the small town rustling and bustling; when you were in the barber shop you seemed to be teleported out in to the backwoods. The small cabin that was designed for a man and his dog to escape to on a weekend where they just needed to decompress. Spend a day reflecting, an hour cussing the good Lord, another hour apologizing to the good Lord for the cussing, an hour getting ready to throw your fishing line in the water, and two hours trying to get your favorite lure unstuck from the submerged log you didn’t know was there. A place where you could just let the cell phone buzz away with messages while you blocked out the every day life for just a few moments.

In the center of the room was the barber chair; behind it was the back wall with the mirror and the tools of the trade. If a customer wasn’t there getting a trim, you could find him sitting in the barber chair. Sipping on his cup of coffee and reading through the local paper, a new book he had picked up or been given as a gift, or the good book itself. Sometimes people just went in there for the coffee and conversation. At this point in history, I’d say its safe to say that there have been over a million cups of coffee poured in that small tiny house, but it was always amongst good company.

The barbers chair where you took your son for his first hair cut. And slowly continued on through his years. He got to watch young boys turn in to boys. Boys turn in to young men, and young men turn in to men. He was there for you over the years. Through all your troubles and all your successes. The high times just as much as the low ones. He would tell you where the fish were biting that day, or where Jerry had just shot the giant buck of the season.  He kept you up to speed on what the local school teams were doing, and reminded you that them kids need encouragement just like anyone else in town.

You didn’t just get a hair cut when you went in; you got a mentorship lesson from a guidance counselor. A word of encouragement when your plan just didn’t turn out the way you’d thought it would. A deacon who could help provide healing to a broken heart. A quite, gentle, reassuring ear to listen for those who needed to tell the horrors of war to someone who wouldn’t judge them. A prayer to those who simply were lost and needed to remember to turn towards His light. He wasn’t just a barber to many of us, he was family.

Though it has been many years sense I’ve seen you, or even spoken to you. Thank you for all your prayers, support, and encouragement of the years Uncle Mike. God bless you, and I hope this finds you well.

Love, TJ

 

Thoughts_A Million Emotions

          It is pitch black in the stadium. You nudge your friend standing next to you, “I bet they play our song next!” you say with excitement. The older adults in the stadium pull out their Bic lighters, whereas the millennials pull out their phones, and the thousands gathered together are slowly illuminated as the tiny lights shine brighter with each new light that joins the luminous atmosphere. The spotlights on the stage fade brighter as the lead singer is now seen on the center stage sitting on the bar stool, and the acoustic guitar draped across their lap. The music begins, you close your eyes, and you feel your soul being connected to an emotional state that which now brings your soul and spirit together.

          What is it about music that can bring us out of our lowest of lows, and also takes us to our highest of highs? The bass that vibrates through us with every bass drum kick, your favorite singers vocals that you swear you don’t listen with your eardrums, but rather you heard it directly in your heart. What is it that causes such a connection to our body, spirit, and our souls?  It has been said, that if a picture is worth a thousand words, than a song is worth a million emotions. Why is it that music has become such an important and influencial piece to our lives?

          I’d say it simply comes down to the point that God made music as the avenue for us to praise Him. Now yes, there were songs and music made for other reasons, but in the Bible we see many verses where music was specifically utilized to praise God. It was completely dedicated and focused to worshiping God, to sing joyfully, to make a loud noise, to bang the drums and to dance. The act of worship was, and should be one where you are leaving everything outside of the sanctuary, you are coming forward and completely focusing on God and lifting up your entire essence to Him. You are worshiping through singing, dancing, playing of an instrument. So you are connecting physically in the act of worship; you are lifting up your spirit and your emotions of grateful admiration for the grace and mercy of Christ up to Him above; as you now also have your soul connected to the Holy Spirit all at the same time.

          Our body, spirit, and soul are such fragile things though aren’t they? One thing that impacts one of them can easily impact the other two. The heart crushing breakup that leave us in the deep abyss of despair. The broken bone that leaves us filled with fear and doubt if we’ll be able to recover from the injury. Our continued failures in particular areas of our career that leave our souls in the belief that we are nothing but a failure, that nothing we do or attempt to accomplish turns out being a success.

          Yet, that song. That one song that connects to your body, spirit and soul. That one song that can kick your engine in to high gear. That song that pulls us out of the darkness. That song that gives us just enough hope, to cling and hold on for just one more day. You know what song that is, because we all have our one, or few songs that do that to us. When your deeply, madly even, in love with your special someone, nothing can speak more deeply to your spirit and soul as The Goo Goo Dolls, “Iris” does. When you are ready for that next round in the gym and Metallica’s “Fuel” comes on across your headphones. You are driving home, and Charlie Puth comes across the radio with, “See You Again.” and now your close friend or family member who passed away is now sitting right next to you as your tears slowly streak down your face.

          For some of us the emotional connection we have to some songs seems to be so deep that words simply can’t describe it. Yet that was the purpose all along wasn’t it? Music was created, because God knew that there would come times when we would need something that connected inside us on every level of our being. God knew we would need to have such a deep emotional connect that could span time and space. A way for us to express our deepest sorrows and pain, while also being able to share in those moments of victory and accomplishment. This is how a song has a million emotions that connects us all together.

God.Talk_I am here, because ‘I AM’ is inside here…

I am here, because ‘I AM’ is inside here…

The room was dark as the cool fall breeze blew through the tiny crack in the living room window. I sat there, with the high pitched ringing in my ears from my tinnitus. I had noticed it years ago, but it wasnt until recently that i had taken notice to how bad it had really gotten. I realized how I naturally seemed to always have some type of noise playing in the background to cancel it out inside my head, but that night with the house quite and alone, it was ringing louder than before.

Tonight it seemed to be almost blaring as I sat in the recliner looking out the window… looking for some type of hope in my life. I wanted to think that there was a light at the end of the tunnel i found myself in, I just couldnt see it yet…. I thought, “maybe there is gonna be help just around the next corner,” only to look up and simply see a straight line that only went towards the horizon, with no end in site… just the same dreadful outcome lay ahead. The simple fact was my mind was thinking that things would get better, some how and in some way… but my spirit didnt believe any of it.

The room began to grow darker…. because the same darkness I knew once before continued to lurk around me once again. How many times have I asked God why? Why this, why that, why me? And still you sit there empty and without any answers… that was me.

I had gone through a situation that triggered past darkness that month… I was then later informed that I would not be paid for a paycheck and would have to wait and carry on till the next paycheck. To follow that up, things were continuing to break around me, hundreds of dollars here, hundreds there. Every week it seemed as if things were just continuing to get worse.

Why am I even here?

I told and reminded myself countless times the things I had accomplished. The impacts I had made. The achievements I had earned through my hard work, and the many blessings God continued to give me. But it wasn’t able to fill the void of emptiness that remained inside me.

As that emptiness filled my mind with doubt, my spirit continued to be sorrounded by the darkness that crawled its way to my chair. As I sat in the chair looking out the window, the darkness enveloped me like a blanket.

Helplessness and hoplessness were at the forefront of my mind. Doubt erased any motivation that attempted to rise up, while fear, even though self generated by my own thoughts, appeared to be my only future.

I simply told myself to “hold on”, but, “hold on to what?” That was the question I couldnt even answer myself, nor did I feel like I was getting any answers from God. As the night sailed further on, the only thing I had was, “just hold on”.

I had been in this dark place before, and even before that, as a young teenager I was even at the point of thinking of suicide. Though you can overcome these thoughts, satan will always wait in the darkness of your mind… wait for the perfect opportunity to not just drag you, but pull you down in to his grave.

Every night for over a month, I had to hold on to every last bif of thread, and it connected to the echo of Gods voice, saying “hold on”… I had to lift up all my burdens, as I simply walked daily feeling as if I was just an empty shell.

I didnt know which way to turn, but I simply had to motivate myself to try and do my best every day… and on one random day when I woke up, I realized that my troubles simply started fading away as I watched God make the blocks I needed fall exactly in to place.

A peace and understanding of Gods loving overwatch and protection was brough in to a new understanding. I realized, that my God, who simply said “I AM”, the God of wonders that declared to all creation in existence that He alone was the God of all, was the same God that lives inside my soul. When He tells His children that He has a plan for us… He means it.

I am here, because I AM is not done with me. God uses us in so many ways and in so many peoples lives that we don’t even realize it. Many times we are struck down in a complete depression for the position and place that God has brought us to, that we sometimes forget God is keeping us there for a specific reason, and calling us to fulfill a specific purpose in His plan.

I AM has not abandoned us, but simply needed us to be a light in a dark world… God knows that darkness, depression, doubt, fear, and loneliness are attacking us daily, yet He knows that this suffering is able to be overcome, and He knows that peace, joy, and enlightenment is awaiting us who weather the storm.

I Am has brought me here, to this point in time and space for a specific reason. He is not done using me, therefore, wherever the road leads I must be willing to keep pressing forward, “holding on” to his promises, and knowing that we are simply there doing work for Him and His glory.

The mountain trail God leads us on is not easy. It is filled with jagged rocks and boulders. Deep crevices and cliff faces. Loose rock that slips beneath our feet, wind, rain, ice, snow that tries to defeat us. But He brings us along this path because there are many others hurting around us as well, for we are not alone in the daily fight. So give love in His name. Tell others how much you appreciate them. Give more hugs to one another, because we all need the comfort of loving arms wrapped around us in moment of hurting.

We are here, because I Am resides inside us, and resides here amongst us. So love one another, and always try to let others know you love them. My time on earth has not come to an end, because God is still needed me for His work, and I must be faithful to His will. This chapter of darkness is over, and I am sure i will face many more. But I am here and will remain here till I AM calls me home to be with Him.

LdrOlgy_EXCELLENCE in all WE DO

“A man who has the answer to the problem, and does not share it, is a larger problem than the obstacle currently facing the team.” – TSgt TJ Lombardi

The small room was filled with 62 young men wearing their Battle Dress Uniforms, (BDU’s). They were crammed in to the room, sitting cross-legged on the floor, because there was simply no room for them to fit otherwise. The intense, fearless, and unyielding Training Instructor, SSgt De-Leon Acosta paced the room as she asked the young BMT Flight. “Is perfection obtainable?!” The pause filled the room as everyone was afraid to answer. “Is perfection obtainable?! NO! But it is the pursuit of perfect that you find excellence!” She then followed it up with, “You must give your absolute best… that if at any time… someone comes to inspect your work, there is NO DOUBT… that you gave your best… NO… DOUBT!” The intense shout leaving an impact that would be an anchor for others to rely upon, for what the standard was, and still is to this day.

We should be pursuing excellence… in all we do…. It is not excellence in all “I” do… it is EXCELLENCE in all WE DO! Our passion for pursuit of excellence “should” be contagious. As we push ourselves, we should be pushing all of those around us to push themselves. You see, I… am pursuing excellence, I am pursuing to create the best quality of work, but we… together… as a team… must be pursuing excellence. We must all rely on each other, and we must all be able to come to the circle, and see everyone in our team together and tell one another in pure honest humility, “Yes! I will give us, our team, my absolute best!” And if you cannot truly have the integrity to stand there and tell your entire team that, than you know that you are a weak link.

If you are that weak link… WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?!?! Are you truly giving your best? Are you truly giving your team… your best? If you don’t know the answer, ask! If you are not sure where to turn to next… say so! Integrity in the form of an action, is to be a self-initiating choice of knowing that the problem will not be solved, unless you yourself take the action to find the solution.

If the team is presented with a problem that effects the progression of the team, and a man who has the answer to the problem, and chooses to not share it with the team, is a larger problem than the obstacle currently facing the team.

We as individuals and as a team must be openly dedicated to the progression of our mission together. For if one falls, we all fall. For it is not just I that needs to give my best, it is all of us that must give our best. Let us be a team that proudly states for all to bear witness, “Excellence in all WE DO!’

Thoughts_A New Book Written Each Day

A New book, written each day.

Written By:   TJ Lombardi    16 March 2009

REPUBLISHED

______________________________________________________________________

Sometimes books are not written on paper, or parchment,
or even on the digital pages of an e-book.
Sometimes we get to “read books” inscribed upon the heart of someone we know. What type of author will you be?

I write, not for the sake of glory, not for the sake of fame, not for the sake of success, but for the sake of my soul. – Rachel Joy Scott.-

I was reminded of these words just yesterday evening. I wondered to myself, “Why am I writing all these papers? Why am I starting to write more and more letters and notes of encouragement to my dear family and close friends?” As I sat back in my chair and pondered these questions, those words of Columbine victim Rachel Joy Scott came to mind. I believe that her statement also truly expresses my heart and soul: “I write for the sake of my soul.” This same idea is expressed by the early church father, Ignatius, as quoted in the book Jesus Freaks (pg 246):

My dear Jesus, my Savior, is so deeply written in my heart, that I feel confident, that if my heart were to be cut open and chopped to pieces, the name of Jesus would be found written on every piece. – Ignatius, Devoured by wild animals in Rome. 111AD

When the Lord has changed your life, how can you keep quiet? When God has done impossible things for you and has opened opportunities in numerous ways, why would you not want future generations to hear about it?

Currently, one of life’s greatest frustrations is the discussion I have on a regular basis with my “general editor.” I’ve told him numerous times, “Dude, you have to write a book! What are you waiting for? Don’t you realize how many lives you could impact?” Of course, he normally responds with the same answer every time, “I don’t have time to write a book because I am always busy proof-reading yours.” But I know in my heart that there is something in his heart that this generation and future generations need to hear with their hearts.

If being a Christian were easy, everyone would do it.
Not to know God, but to have the easy life. – Rachel Joy Scott –

I think that one of the best examples in the Bible of an individual who has scripted the story of his life for us is the Apostle Paul. One of my favorite letters of his is 2 Timothy. In one passage in particular the Apostle Paul writes very personally and passionately about his life. “As for me, my life has already been poured out as an offering to God. The time of my death is near” (2 Timothy 4:6). Paul tells us, I have “already been poured out” – that is, all of my life has been given to God as a living sacrifice. (Remember Romans 12:1? “And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all He has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind He will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship Him”).

Paul has told us time and time again, that he has faced struggles just as much as any other person.

2 Corinthians 12:7 “. . . Even though I have received such wonderful revelations from God. So to keep me from becoming proud, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger from Satan to torment me and keep me from becoming proud.” I love how Paul then goes on to just cry out to us about his frustration.

Romans7:24 “Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death?” Then, in the next verse what a great response he gives us! “Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord (Romans 7:25a).

Paul was a great example for us of what we might call a “living book.” Every page that he wrote clearly displayed his everyday life and attitude. So was Rachel Joy Scott, one of my favorite “authors.” Her life was her book, although thankfully, she also kept a personal journal. Rachel had such a passion for people, which becomes crystal clear when one reads some of the many books about Rachel that contain excerpts from her journals.

Dec 25th, 97

Dear God, Thank you!!! Thank you for my mom, my mom who game me this journal so that I may write you. Thank you for my family, my friends and my youth, my words will be said to you thru my writings. I write to you now thanking you. Today we recognize the birth of your Son, Jesus. I thank you for Him. He was born to us, so that He may die for us. Thank you. I love you Father. I love you because of your grace, your righteousness, your forgiveness, your love. Amen. – Rachel Joy Scott

Because of her tragic death at Columbine High School, Rachel will never be able to write a New York Times Best-Seller. She will never get to go on Larry King Live or the Today Show and talk about what inspired her to sit down and put the ink on the page. Yet, she did something that had a far broader and more profound impact than what many authors only dream of being able to do. She engraved the image of God upon people’s souls.

At times, David was so overcome with the closeness of the presence of God that he could barely contain himself: Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? – Psalm 139:7

But at other times, David felt the absence of God so strongly that he had to cry out: How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever? How long will you hide your face from me? How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and everyday have the sorrow in my heart? – Psalm 13:1-2

I stand back, God, and I watch those around me and ask myself, what is it that they’re feeling? What is it that they’re thinking? Are they seeing you? Can they hear you? If so, why can’t I? What am I doing so wrong that I can’t reach that level? Everyone looks at me and thinks wow, what a together kinda girl. She’s doing good but you know God that I’m not. Why won’t you fix that? I don’t understand this feeling is killing me, God. Why don’t you do something? I know that you have already done so much but why stop there? I want to reach a new level with you God. Take me there, Please, God, take me there. I want that so much. I want to serve you. I want to be used by you to

help others. But I feel like I can’t do that until you change this feeling I have come to me God, and make use of me.

Your servant, Rachel Joy”

~~~~~~

Things untold, Things unseen, One day all these things will come to me.
Life of meaning, Life of hope, Life of significance is mine to cope.
I have a purpose, I have a dream, I have a future, so it seems. – Rachel Joy Scott

I am convinced that Rachel truly understood what the Lord was talking about when He told us,

Galatians 6:9 “So let’s not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don’t give up.”

James 3:18 “And those who are peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest of righteousness.”

Luke 10:27 “The man answered, ‘You must love the LORD your God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and all your mind.’ And, ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.'”

As I read the words she penned in her journals, they paint a verbal picture for me of the type of person she truly was. She lived in such a way that her love of Christ was inscribed on the hearts and souls of her friends every day.

God can’t do anything in your life unless you meet him halfway. You have to make room for him. A lot of room. – Rachel Joy Scott

I guess I have had a similar experience with my general editor. I have already mentioned that he may never write a book. He may never take the time to sit down and write out all the amazing things that God has shown him and taught him throughout his life. But, do you know what? That is okay with me, for to date he has written more than twenty-two years worth in my heart and soul – and perhaps up to almost twice as much in the hearts of countless other people. You see, my general editor is my father (and he does his work for me gratis). He has written page after page as a living example of a great godly man, godly husband, godly preacher, and godly friend.

Like my dad, I, too, may never write a book. I may never really know what it is like to be sitting in an interview with a publisher discussing the reason and passion behind the chapters, paragraphs and sentences I crafted. To be sure, I have written a few papers that are available for free online. I have written them “for the sake of my soul” – and to hope and pray that someday those of you who are reading these words, may find peace in the life of Christ. But my greatest longing is that I, too, like my dad, may inscribe my love for and commitment to Jesus Christ on the hearts and souls of others around me.

Unquestionably, the Apostle Paul was the biggest (human) contributor to the New Testament Scripture. But, he, too, inscribed his message on the hearts and souls of those in his sphere of influence. So, my question for you today is, are you allowing yourself to be the biggest contributor of Christ in someone else’s life today? If you were the only “Jesus” that someone

would have to see, would you be a perfect reflection of Jesus for them to see? Are you engraving Jesus’ life in someone’s heart and soul by your day to day thoughts, words and deeds?

Every morning when you wake up, you will begin an additional day with which you have been blessed by God. During that day you will once again have the opportunity to write a new book – to inscribe your words upon your friends, family, coworkers, and neighbors. Will the “book” of your life turn out to be a “best seller” in heaven?

Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. (Hebrews 12:1)

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The Day You Carry My Casket.

My dear friends,
When the day comes that the Lord calls me home,
Please know that you are not alone.
For the Lord and Savior who lives in me
Is right in front of you with open arms,
Ready to take hold of you and give you the same love that He has given me. As you carry me down the aisle, please know that I love you all.
Do not let the sorrow of death be upon your door,
But embrace the joy of Christ, for no matter how hard we try
There are still souls that will never know that loving joy.
I cry my own tears while writing this,
For I know that there is and was so much more that I could be doing
To serve this amazing God who lives inside me.
Christ carried a cross to His death.
He also carried all our sins, and with His death, we are set FREE!
If you only know one thing about me, please know my love for my Savior, Who has washed my sins away and cleansed my darkest deeds.
Please do not cry for me,
For I have lived a life walking the path with our Lord.
Please take your tears and allow them to give you strength
To reach out to those lost souls that I could not reach.
Help show them who God is,
And the Love God has for each of us.

~ TJ Lombardi, 6 January 2009

LdrOlgy_Cloud of Witnesses

Hebrews 12:1 The Voice (VOICE)

12:1 So since we stand surrounded by all those who have gone before, an enormous cloud of witnesses, let us drop every extra weight, every sin that clings to us and slackens our pace, and let us run with endurance the long race set before us.

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Our cloud of witnesses. In todays society, the internet and social media have given us a digital platform where videos, photos and content can be uploaded instantly. As they say, “Once it is posted on the internet, it will be there floating around forever.” I don’t know how true that really is; but there is something more important and something that truly will always be remembered, and that is your actions, your spirit, your behavior to those around you.

The book of Hebrews in the New Testament of the Bible tells us that we are “Surrounded by an enormous cloud of witnesses.”  All of our fellow Christians who have gone before us. They watch us and wait for us to join them.

For those of us in the warrior brotherhood; we imagine the thought of our family awaiting us in the halls of Valhalla; awaiting to great us in a ceremonious roar once we arrive at its doors.

And for those of you who have read my older blog post, you will know how I view, and combine both of those beliefs.

But what about the cloud of witnesses here? Those that surround us daily?

You are always on display 24/7, 365.  Your actions and how you carry yourself will always be judged and analyzed by those surrounding you. This performance in leadership is why I would say that it is truly something rooted inside certain people and developed over time, it is not something that can simply be learned and acquired.

Every day, you must battle yourself and ask, “Will I be a good man? Do I have the strength to be such a man?”  And many days you truly do have to rely on God to give you that strength and courage to be such a man. Because leadership is something that will challenge you more anything.

This cloud of witnesses is not simply your peers, your troops, your employees. It is your wife, and it is your kids, it is your family, it is your friends. It is everyone around you; all with whom you come in to contact.

That is why the other part of the verse encourages us, ‘to throw off every weight that weighs us down, and holds us back from keeping the stride of our run in this race.‘ You as a leader will always be surrounded by the cloud of witnesses, and if they are ever asked, what will they say about you from what they have witnessed?

Thoughts_I am here, because ‘I AM’ is inside here…

I am here, because ‘I AM’ is inside here…

The room was dark as the cool fall breeze blew through the tiny crack in the living room window. I sat there, with the high pitched ringing in my ears from my tinnitus. I had noticed it years ago, but it wasnt until recently that i had taken notice to how bad it had really gotten. I realized how I naturally seemed to always have some type of noise playing in the background to cancel it out inside my head, but that night with the house quite and alone, it was ringing louder than before.

Tonight it seemed to be almost blaring as I sat in the recliner looking out the window… looking for some type of hope in my life. I wanted to think that there was a light at the end of the tunnel i found myself in, I just couldnt see it yet…. I thought, “maybe there is gonna be help just around the next corner,” only to look up and simply see a straight line that only went towards the horizon, with no end in site… just the same dreadful outcome lay ahead. The simple fact was my mind was thinking that things would get better, some how and in some way… but my spirit didnt believe any of it.

The room began to grow darker…. because the same darkness I knew once before continued to lurk around me once again. How many times have I asked God why? Why this, why that, why me? And still you sit there empty and without any answers… that was me.

I had gone through a situation that triggered past darkness that month… I was then later informed that I would not be paid for a paycheck and would have to wait and carry on till the next paycheck. To follow that up, things were continuing to break around me, hundreds of dollars here, hundreds there. Every week it seemed as if things were just continuing to get worse.

Why am I even here?

I told and reminded myself countless times the things I had accomplished. The impacts I had made. The achievements I had earned through my hard work, and the many blessings God continued to give me. But it wasn’t able to fill the void of emptiness that remained inside me.

As that emptiness filled my mind with doubt, my spirit continued to be sorrounded by the darkness that crawled its way to my chair. As I sat in the chair looking out the window, the darkness enveloped me like a blanket.

Helplessness and hoplessness were at the forefront of my mind. Doubt erased any motivation that attempted to rise up, while fear, even though self generated by my own thoughts, appeared to be my only future.

I simply told myself to “hold on”, but, “hold on to what?” That was the question I couldnt even answer myself, nor did I feel like I was getting any answers from God. As the night sailed further on, the only thing I had was, “just hold on”.

I had been in this dark place before, and even before that, as a young teenager I was even at the point of thinking of suicide. Though you can overcome these thoughts, satan will always wait in the darkness of your mind… wait for the perfect opportunity to not just drag you, but pull you down in to his grave.

Every night for over a month, I had to hold on to every last bif of thread, and it connected to the echo of Gods voice, saying “hold on”… I had to lift up all my burdens, as I simply walked daily feeling as if I was just an empty shell.

I didnt know which way to turn, but I simply had to motivate myself to try and do my best every day… and on one random day when I woke up, I realized that my troubles simply started fading away as I watched God make the blocks I needed fall exactly in to place.

A peace and understanding of Gods loving overwatch and protection was brough in to a new understanding. I realized, that my God, who simply said “I AM”, the God of wonders that declared to all creation in existence that He alone was the God of all, was the same God that lives inside my soul. When He tells His children that He has a plan for us… He means it.

I am here, because I AM is not done with me. God uses us in so many ways and in so many peoples lives that we don’t even realize it. Many times we are struck down in a complete depression for the position and place that God has brought us to, that we sometimes forget God is keeping us there for a specific reason, and calling us to fulfill a specific purpose in His plan.

I AM has not abandoned us, but simply needed us to be a light in a dark world… God knows that darkness, depression, doubt, fear, and loneliness are attacking us daily, yet He knows that this suffering is able to be overcome, and He knows that peace, joy, and enlightenment is awaiting us who weather the storm.

I Am has brought me here, to this point in time and space for a specific reason. He is not done using me, therefore, wherever the road leads I must be willing to keep pressing forward, “holding on” to his promises, and knowing that we are simply there doing work for Him and His glory.

The mountain trail God leads us on is not easy. It is filled with jagged rocks and boulders. Deep crevices and cliff faces. Loose rock that slips beneath our feet, wind, rain, ice, snow that tries to defeat us. But He brings us along this path because there are many others hurting around us as well, for we are not alone in the daily fight. So give love in His name. Tell others how much you appreciate them. Give more hugs to one another, because we all need the comfort of loving arms wrapped around us in moment of hurting.

We are here, because I Am resides inside us, and resides here amongst us. So love one another, and always try to let others know you love them. My time on earth has not come to an end, because God is still needed me for His work, and I must be faithful to His will. This chapter of darkness is over, and I am sure i will face many more. But I am here and will remain here till I AM calls me home to be with Him.

Thoughts_The End of 2018

The last day of the year. A day when we can reflect back on everything that has taken place over the past 365 days… Out of the 8,760 hrs that is covered in the year; we all have come away with bad moments, but also good memories.

2018 was a year that had some of my darkest moments yet in life. It was also a year filled with some amazing memories, and filled with some of the brightest shining stars.

Another year where God reminded me how precious life is… how amazing people are… and how incredibly beautiful this world is. From getting knocked down by a rouge wave crashing along the Oregon coast… to climbing to the tops of Volcanos… Rescuing people out of the woods… to watching over a young life taken too soon.

Having moments where you are emotionally crushed, and falling down in tears from loss; to where you are falling down in tears in laughter over the joy life can bring us. This is another year on this earth. Not everyone is given another day; but we should always do our best to make the most of every new day.

This year was another year I was given to live on this planet; and though it had some of the roughest storms I’ve had to overcome… I am happy for them, because those dark moments allowed me to see some bright shining days filled with smiles, and filled with laughter. Seeing new life brought in to this world, as other lives are taken away from it.

God does work in mysterious ways, and ways that we will never know, nor understand. But, that is also not our place some days. Though we will sit here and ask God why!?!? He simply will only answer through the comforting thought of the memories and moments left behind. We simply must cast our emotions and spirit up to Him.

There are so many people I could thank, and recognize for another year coming to an end. Yet, the only real reason I am still here is because God is still watching over me, and wanting me to keep doing some work on this earth. Though my heart was torn apart losing Trevor this year; I know that my time is still not here to be reunited with him in heaven.

For anyone out there reading this. Live life to the fullest, enjoy your time on this planet, and try to be a better person with every day you’re given. Trevor Moheit was a man who had a heart of gold, and did everything he could to make those around him feel loved and welcome.

I love you brother, and miss you every day.  I am going to fall asleep tonight saying goodbye to 2018, but I will never say goodbye to you, and never let your memory fade away.  I can’t wait to see you again, and I know you are watching over me not just in 2019, but in every day God still keeps me on this earth.

Goodnight World, We’ll See You Tomorrow.

Thoughts_The Moderation brings forth the Excess

The soft breeze blew across the deck of the house during the mid afternoon festivities. Everyone gathered around in a circle as they bounced from story to story, and shared tales of many adventures.

At one point throughout the conversations and stories came the one that would stand out the most to me. Sitting in his patio chair; he adjusted himself and told of a moment long ago when he was with his father; “What the parents do in moderation, the children will do in excess.” he stated. “My father repeated it to me, and for 20 years I had held on tight to that mindset.”

His voice is deep, and he carriers a commanding presence wherever he goes. If you were to be asked to describe him; you would not be wrong to say, “He’s the big, strong, old school country boy you don’t want to mess with.” When I see him, I see many similarities of my grandfather. Yet, I never was able to learn from my grandfather, for I was always afraid of him, and never saw my grandfather more than maybe 3 or 4 times before he died.

As he sat on the porch among the group and shared the story. I couldn’t help by have flash-back memories of my life growing up; with time frames jumping and bouncing around to current day experiences I was dealing with. That reminder was matched with something I was reminded of from earlier in the week; what are our responsibilities? What are we responsible for as adults, husbands, parents, workers, human beings, children of God?

As we live in a world of an ever evolving culture, social construct, and people who are more concerned with what they can indulge in rather than what they can have self-discipline over; I was impacted with this genuine moment of truth, that I need to be mindful of the severity that it is to be a young Godly man; but to be mindful of the young minds and eyes of those who watch us and look up to us.

If my heart is always filled with anger, will that be the only thing my children remember as they grow older? If I am consumed with alcohol, will my children know how to not abuse it? If I am a parent who spends all their time at work, and never with my children, will they themselves know how to spend time with their children?

It is a strong reminder for all of us to be mindful of. What are the things we are promoting to our children, our families, and hose we love the most.